Cunt Of The Month

Well fuck me, that was a well earned break.

Refreshed, reinvigorated, relaxed and rarin' to go (more like off my tits on something a little stronger than Absynth), it's time for another Elmer's "Cunt of the Month" competition!

This month's candidates are;

1) The Kentish Cuntish wheelclamper who clamped a car (property of disabled Army veteran, Roy Jones) while it was displaying a valid Disabled badge:

2) The Kentish Cuntish wheelclamper who clamped a car (property of disabled Army veteran, Roy Jones) while it was displaying a valid Disabled badge, then advised Mr Jones he could "walk home" when Mr Jones stated he was unwilling or unable to pay:

3) The Kentish Cuntish wheelclamper who operates from a PO Box Address who clamped a car (property of disabled Army veteran, Roy Jones) while it was displaying a valid Disabled badge, then advised Mr Jones he could walk home after Mr Jones stated he was unwilling or unable to pay and is now refusing to refund the charge (which was paid by Mr Jones' son).

So, is the answer Cunt 1, Cunt 2 or Cunt 3?

Answers please, on a postcard to:

Mr Douglas Mooring
Able Securities
PO Box 423
Dover
CT16 9DB

Telephone: 01304 219098

Footnote#1:

According to this BBC article:

"The company's website says that it holds a Security Industry Authority (SIA) licence... the SIA said a condition of the licence was that clampers should not immobilise a vehicle displaying a valid disabled badge."

"Clamping a car which displays a valid disabled badge breaks the conditions of holding an SIA licence," said a spokesman.

"We can give warnings or revoke a clamper's licence if we find that this is the case."


"We can give warnings?" Pathetic. This cunt should simply be shot, and dumped on the French side of the Channel.

I do not doubt that there are stout Yeomen of Kent with perhaps a more robust attitude than the mealy-mouthed SIA spokesperson; and meanwhile, what of the PO Box Number behind which the shy proprietor of Able Securities conceals himself;

Oh, look...


Footnote: Oh, and Mr Mooring, if you do happen to read this post, be a love. Refund the money to Mr Jones - it will be money very well spent, I promise you. You utter, weapons-grade cock ring.

Funniest Joke Of The Week

Was made as an indirect consequence of what was possibly the least funny joke of last week, when, the comedic non-entity that is Harry Enfield made some wisecrack about encouraging his slave to "mount" a Filipino maid.

Had the maid in question been wearing a burka - or sporting dreadlocks - any "outcry" would have been all too predictable. Against the odds, it seems even the Firipinos are now all too ready to take offence at bugger all.

Not only has an online petition - protesting at the "disgraceful, gutter humour" - been established by something calling itself the "Philippine Foundation" - but back in the Filipinoland, their Foreign Secretary, one Alberto Romulo, has called in the British Ambassador, Peter Beckingham, no less, to "discuss" the broadcast.

Beckingham is quoted by the BBC as advising the Filipino Foreign Secretary that the BBC had

"editorial independence... the views expressed and portrayed by the network were "completely independent" from the government"...

Hahahahaha! A real off-the cuff classic!

Footnote: (should any po-faced Filipinos stop by this sorry excuse for a blog....)

A teenage girl (Bisaya of course) is walking down the road and meets an Amerikano.

Amerikano: Hi, young lady!

Girl: Hayang? OK.

Amerikano: Wha' happened?

Girl: Aa, wai hapin-hapin!

Now go stick that in your fucking petition, you humourless, slitty eyed fucks.

Update! It would seem that even that journalistic collossus, wannabe child-molester and self-acclaimed bien-pensant Mike Hitchen has a (cut 'n paste) take on matters Filipino....