Speedcat Hollydale - whether you love him, or hate him (and personally, I hate him*) - has set a new world record in the blogosphere, by simultaneously awarding "Blogging That Hits The Mark" status to no less than 1094 fellow bloggers.
Naturally, EQG is proud to be a recipient of this illustrious award, and wishes to convey his gratitude to Speedcat.
Moreover, I would like to thank Speedy for something else of great importance; reminding me that no matter how nutty I think I might be going, there is, out there, someone even crazier than myself.
Back in the summer, I posted here what I consider to be the funniest joke in the world.
At the time, I tweaked the HTML settings so that the post font appeared so tiny as to be unreadable.
The only practical way to read it was to copy and paste the text into an editor, and expand the font to taste; I did this to protect the sensibilities of ladies, children, David Duff, and anyone else who might have an axe to grind.
Following a comment from dumkopf** that he was unable to copy and paste the text successfully, and refusing now to defer to all those precious types likely to complain, I reproduce below the world's funniest joke, but this time so that no one reading this page should miss it.
**Actually, the comment from dumkopf is a figleaf. The real reason behind my reposting this is that Beenzzz likes a man who talks / writes dirty. Allegedly.
“You know, the day I met you, I thought you were a cunt. And every time we’ve met since I thought you were a cunt. And it can’t just be me, because everyone who’s ever met you thinks you are a cunt, and probably everyone who will ever meet you will think you’re a cunt. In fact, you’ve got to be the second-biggest cunt in the world.”
The second guy thinks about this for a while.
“So... the day you met me you thought I was a cunt?” “Yep.” “And every day since you’ve thought I was a . . .” “Right.” “And everyone I’ve ever met thinks I’m a . . .” “You got it.” “And everyone I will ever meet will think I’m a . . .” “Uh-huh.” “So how comes”, he says, triumphantly, “I’m only the second biggest cunt in the world?” The first guy looks at him with total contempt. "Because you’re a cunt”, he says.
Reports filter in that a helicopter, registered to Colin McRae, has crashed and burned in Strathclyde, Scotland this evening.
Rumours that McMcrae perished in the accident are currently not confirmed, though a member of Strathclyde Ambulance Service at the scene is quoted as saying that one of the casualties plucked unconscious from the wreckage of the helicopter "rallied and then died".
Both a brief illustration, and a reminder, of how today's "comedians" are not a patch on those of yesteryear.
This clip, from the 1939 movie The Flying Deuces, despite being of less than 2 minutes duration, hints nicely at the versatility of both Messrs. Laurel and Hardy.
While Ollie delights with his singing talent, it is not the moon, but Stan who really shines here.
His dancing is simply sublime (dahling!), particularly so the seamless step segue at 1.22 (or 32 secs as the YouTube clock runs in reverse...)
The film is in the public domain and can be streamed or downloaded both for free and legally(!) from here.
Courtesy of Peter Cook, I present below, what many connoisseurs (well, me, anyway) consider to be the funniest joke in the world.
Aware of the sensibilities of many women (and men), children, politicians, vicars, Popes (get on with it) the joke in all its glory has been made barely visible to the naked eye.
This is due to the gratuitously offensive nature of the language used.
The only way around this - short of buying a 104" monitor from Dell - is to copy and paste the text into a text editor, and modifying to taste.
You have, however, been warned...
There are two guys talking. The first one says: “You know, the day I met you, I thought you were a cunt. And every time we’ve met since I thought you were a cunt. And it can’t just be me, because everyone who’s ever met you thinks you are a cunt, and probably everyone who will ever meet you will think you’re a cunt. In fact, you’ve got to be the second-biggest cunt in the world.” The second guy thinks about this for a while. “So... the day you met me you thought I was a cunt?” “Yep.” “And every day since you’ve thought I was a . . .” “Right.” “And everyone I’ve ever met thinks I’m a . . .” “You got it.” “And everyone I will ever meet will think I’m a . . .” “Uh-huh.” “So how comes”, he says, triumphantly,“I’m only the second biggest cunt in the world?” “The first guy looks at him with total contempt."Because you’re a cunt”, he says.
The fountains mingle with the river, And the rivers with the ocean; The winds of heaven mix forever With a sweet emotion; Nothing in the world is single; All things by a law divine In another's being mingle - Why not I with thine?
See, the mountains kiss high heaven, And the waves clasp one another; No sister flower could be forgiven If it disdained its brother; And the sunlight clasps the earth, And the moonbeams kiss the sea;- What are all these kissings worth, If thou kiss not me?
Shelley
This post features a completely piss-poor joke which is unlikely to be understood by Americans at all, nor by Brits under the age of 35...
For Doris Mash She walks in beauty, like the night Of cloudless climes and starry skies, And all that's best of dark and bright Meets in her aspect and her eyes; Thus mellow'd to that tender light Which Heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less, Had half impair'd the nameless grace Which waves in every raven tress Or softly lightens o'er her face. Where thoughts serenely sweet express How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.
And on that cheek and o'er that brow So soft, so calm, yet eloquent, The smiles that win, the tints that glow, But tell of days in goodness spent,— A mind at peace with all below, A heart whose love is innocent.
