Gooseburger Is Innocent

The BBC today report that many blogs have been subjected to malicious hacker activity:


"Google's Blogger site is being used by malicious hackers who are posting fake entries to some blogs.

The fake entries contain weblinks that lead to booby-trapped downloads that could....."


I am deeply relieved to have read that report, as it probably accounts for how this piece of mischievous nonsense recently appeared on the blog when I was out, er, mowing the lawn the other night.

(whistles, nervously)

Better Than Crazy Frog?

This will make people sit up on the train.

Undoubtedly cuter, and it does feature a rather catchy tune, but highly unsuitable for children, ladies and disgusted of Tunbridge Wells....

A Party Political Blogcast

A Party Political Blogcast on behalf of the Labour Party:

"Our party has been in power now for ten years - something Labour has never come close to achieving before.

And though it’s been tough at times and there are still big challenges to overcome, we can be hugely proud of the progress we have delivered together for the country.

It is easy to forget what Britain was like in 1997 - the NHS on its knees, schools crumbling, crime doubled and millions of families still scarred by unemployment over three million and interest rates still recovering from hitting 15 per cent on Black Wednesday.

And while we know that everything is not perfect now, Britain is, without doubt, a better, more prosperous and fairer place.


Well, that's me convinced...

The Price Of Free Speech....

Just browsing the net when I was shocked to see this....

The Daily Express cover price is a mere 8 shillings! (that's 40 new pennies to you youngsters).

And to think that, for as long as I can remember, I have been shelling out 9 bob each day for the Daily Mail....

Looks like the circulation of the Daily Express is about to go up by one...

A Disgraceful Slur On A Minority

Mike Mendoza - Bigot


The talkSport radio phone-in host Mike Mendoza has been suspended for 7 days following an investigation by the regulatory body OFCOM, about a remark that he made on air in the context of David Beckham's appeal for information on abducted missing Madeleine McCann.

Introducing his phone-in programme on the day David Beckham appealed for Madeleine's safe return, the DJ said:

"The other thing that has really got up my nose over the last couple of days... are the footballers... and I'm including David Beckham on this one.....to beg whoever has grabbed her, to give her back.

"Now you tell me, paedophiles in general are the type of people that surely would not follow football... not many gay people to the best of my knowledge are great football fans."


In making this statement, Mendoza infers that paedophiles - presumably unlike "ordinary people" - will not only be uninterested in football, but also gay?

This is nothing short of shocking; Mendoza exhibits not only a profound ignorance, but exposes himself as the bigoted, intellectual dwarf that he is.

How dare Mendoza infer that footballers confine their anti-social and criminal conduct while off the pitch only to rape and thuggery?

British soccer - from its grass-roots, all the way to the pinnacle of the Premiership, has both a long and inglorious association with kiddy-fiddling.

While OFCOM released a long-winded press statement both criticizing Mendoza and upholding the numerous single complainants received by them, an anonymous source at the Paedophile Information Exchange was no less circumspect in slating the hapless radio host.

The spokesman said:

"The stigma attached to being called a nonce is bad enough, but for this four-eyed beardie-weirdo to start calling us poofs into the bargain, is a fucking disgrace.

It is not PIE's intention to dignify Mendoza's outrageous slur with any further comment."

The Funniest Joke In The World?

Possibly.

Courtesy of Peter Cook, I present below, what many connoisseurs (well, me, anyway) consider to be the funniest joke in the world.

Aware of the sensibilities of many women (and men), children, politicians, vicars, Popes (get on with it) the joke in all its glory has been made barely visible to the naked eye.

This is due to the gratuitously offensive nature of the language used.

The only way around this - short of buying a 104" monitor from Dell - is to copy and paste the text into a text editor, and modifying to taste.

You have, however, been warned...


There are two guys talking. The first one says:
“You know, the day I met you, I thought you were a cunt. And every time we’ve met since I thought you were a cunt. And it can’t just be me, because everyone who’s ever met you thinks you are a cunt, and probably everyone who will ever meet you will think you’re a cunt. In fact, you’ve got to be the second-biggest cunt in the world.”
The second guy thinks about this for a while.
“So... the day you met me you thought I was a cunt?”
“Yep.”
“And every day since you’ve thought I was a . . .”
“Right.”
“And everyone I’ve ever met thinks I’m a . . .”
“You got it.”
“And everyone I will ever meet will think I’m a . . .”
“Uh-huh.”
“So how comes”, he says, triumphantly, “I’m only the second biggest cunt in the world?”
“The first guy looks at him with total contempt. "Because you’re a cunt”, he says.

Love's Philosophy

The fountains mingle with the river,
And the rivers with the ocean;
The winds of heaven mix forever
With a sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single;
All things by a law divine
In another's being mingle -
Why not I with thine?

See, the mountains kiss high heaven,
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister flower could be forgiven
If it disdained its brother;
And the sunlight clasps the earth,
And the moonbeams kiss the sea;-
What are all these kissings worth,
If thou kiss not me?

Shelley

This post features a completely piss-poor joke which is unlikely to be understood by Americans at all, nor by Brits under the age of 35...

Culture Time 2

She walks in beauty, like the night

For Doris Mash

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies,
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meets in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which Heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impair'd the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress
Or softly lightens o'er her face.
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek and o'er that brow
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,—
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent.


By Elmer Quigley Gooseburger Ron

The Worst That Could Happen?

This is the most gloriously offensive, and funny post I have seen on any blog, ever.

Definetely not recommended to those of a highly strung nature.

You have been warned.

Boom And Bust And How The Banks Fuck Us Over

It is Monday morning, and I therefore make no apologies whatsoever for a downbeat posting.

This brief post concerns the (entirely avoidable) and looming recession depression, and how it has been engineered by the banking elite.

It's not very complicated, and nor is it, in all honesty, difficult to understand.

1. Banks lend money that the banks do not own, to borrowers.
2. Heck, the banks lend out money that doesn't even fucking exist to borrowers.
3. They lend this non-existent money at low interest rates.
4. As more money is fed into the system, its value falls.
5. To counter the fall in the value of money, the price of both goods and services rise.
6. In order to afford the increased cost of living, people are forced to borrow more.
7. When the bankers see fit, they will hike up interest rates on all that borrowed "money".
8. The bankers will also then reduce the amount of money in circulation, by reducing the amount that they lend.
9. The prices of both goods and services will then fall.
10. The size of the outstanding loans on all that "funny money" does not fall, however.
11. Unable to service their loans and credit card bills, people are forced to turn over their property and assets to the banks.
12. The bankers will pull this same scam every 10 - 15 years.

It matters not one whit whether you bank with HSBC, Lloyds, Coutts or any bank overseas, because ultimately, all of these banks are owned by the same bunch of shifty, thieving demonic bastards.


Sadly, there is fuck all we can do about it.....

© Copyright probably infringed, with thanks to Stef Zucconi

Probably The Worst Journalist In The World....

Miss Anna Smith



Meet Anna Smith, intrepid reporter for The Sunday Mirror, and, according to popular rumour, one-time runner up in the King George VI sweepstakes at Ascot.

Miss Smith, in the face of stiff competition from the lite the trite, and the downright shite has published on the Sunday Mirror website, possibly the single most partisan and vomit inducing "news" item yet on those "poor McCann parents".

The brave and the foolhardy can see the item in full here: for those with a weaker constitution, I am presenting the lowlights only (oh that there was but a single redeeming highlight...)


Say a Praia for Maddy

FROM the moment Madeleine went missing, you got the impression the Portuguese police couldn't find their backsides in the dark.

Just look at that little police chief in the cheap suit who popped up at the first shambolic press conference. You just knew they were so far out of their depth it made your heart sink.


WTF, you arrant snobbish mare? That little police chief? You nail your flag to the mast from the outset, with your distaste for "little" people. As for your gibe regarding his "cheap" suit, I would lay my shirt it was ten times the price of your wig, you hideous fucking shemale.


Clueless. Completely clueless. From the time it took them to bring in sniffer dogs and block roads, right up to a few days ago, when suddenly blood was found on the apartment where the little girl was abducted as she slept.

It was nearly 100 days into the investigation, for God's sake. How come forensics or anyone else searching the apartment never found blood before?


Possibly because the blood in the apartment was not even present during the initial search? Perhaps the PJ did find it earlier, but chose not to divulge the information at the time? Who knows? I certainly don't and nor do you, you sour-faced witch. You seem to be great at posing impertinent fucking questions - that is of course the easy bit. Why do you not instead justify your no doubt bloated fees and expenses, and provide some answers instead?


It's bad enough that they don't know what they're doing. But what really sickens me is the way the police, the Portuguese press and others have turned on poor Gerry and Kate McCann.


"Poor Gerry and Kate McCann".... oh Christ on a bike, here we go....


It's disgusting. And from a country that has children and the family at the core of its society, it's even worse.


Such a shame then that the two good Doctors (who, by no stretch of the imagination, could ever be perceived as "little" people) considered having their own children at the core of their family. Let us though, overlook that "mistake".


I cannot imagine what every gut-wrenching day must feel like for the McCanns without Madeleine. Their last thought at night but must be about her and their first, as they open their eyes in the morning.

And yet we still have these Portuguese newspapers being drip-fed by police insiders trying to point the finger. Don't get me wrong. I'm not blaming the Portuguese police for not finding Madeleine.


Upset or jealous are you, Mr Miss Smith, that the Portuguese police are no longer offering tid-bits to the UK press?

And how thoroughly fucking gracious, not to say patronising of you, to not blame those little people in the Portuguese police, for not finding Madeleine.


But their turning on the McCanns stinks. It's all about the main agenda - the tourist trade.


No, no, no. It's about securing - against the odds - the safe return of a small girl, and the necessity of asking tough questions of all of those in the resort on the night she was abducted disappeared.

That includes asking tough questions of the McCanns. They may not be among those you perceive and label as "little" people; but both they and their dodgy friends who have reportedly formed some pact of silence, should have been (and, I suspect, were), the first port of call for the investigation, and never some "last-resort" line of enquiry.


This kidnapping has gone global, and they, and Portugal, are in the spotlight for all the wrong reasons.


Pray, what kidnapping is this you refer to? There is zero evidence to support any allegation of abduction or kidnapping, with the exception of the statements provided by Mr and Mrs McCann.

I'll write that again. There is zero evidence to support any allegation of abduction or kidnapping. Full stop.


At the end of the day, nothing is more important than money.


May I stop you there? Did you read that on the back of a matchbox, or is the phrase "At the end of the day, nothing is more important than money" merely an example of your creative writing skills?**


I was talking to a wealthy Irish golfer the other day, who has a house in Praia de Luz. When he mentioned it was in the place Madeleine went missing, I expected him to be sympathetic to the family. But you know what he said? It's ruining the whole place for everyone.


Hmmmm. I rather think he could be right, Miss Smith...


It used to be a great place out there with the golf, he lamented, but now the missing girl is all everyone talks about. Unbelievable. But, sadly, that mindset is out there. And not just among people like him. I would bet the cops and the authorities will be glad to see the back of the McCanns.


Of course both the Portuguese police and the authorities there will be glad to see them leave the country, you dozy bint.

Ask not what Portugal have ever done for them (which is in fact, rather a lot), but what the fuck have these two whining feckless fools done for Portugal? Exactly nothing. Notwithstanding that, Miss Smith, there is a growing belief that the McCanns will not be leaving Portugal any time soon, anyway. Watch this space.


In fact they can't even wait until the heartbroken couple find the strength to go home without their precious little girl.


Jesus. They have found the strength between them to go to the USA, Morocco, Holland, Italy....


They know their insidious little leaked stories to the press will drive those poor parents out.


That word "little" again. And insidious? Christ, Smith, as a reporter (I believe you are a reporter, though there is a growing amount of evidence to suggest otherwise?) -
what makes a leak insidious? One man's insidious leak is another man's freedom of information. (Though I will acknowledge that you are not a man. Allegedly).



The article totters on for several more chapters in the same vacuous, bleeding-heart fashion. I would urge no one to read it in full, at all, ever.


**Yes, Miss Smith is not only an award winning reporter, but also an acclaimed novelist. I read it on the internet, so it must be true...her latest novel "The Homecoming" is available new here, priced at one penny.

Which is, frankly, still worth more than the piss-poor propoganda you provide in your role as a "reporter", Smith.

Team McCann And Their Tenuous Relationship With The Truth

Mike Hitchen exposes the cornerstone of Gerry and Kate McCann's get out of jail free card Campaign, "Madeleine's Fund: Leaving No Stone Unturned" for the lie that it is.


"A high profile, multi-media, global campaign that is based on lies and deceit. The campaign has made little or no attempt to find Madeleine. Donations from struggling parents, businesses and even emotionally blackmailed children, have been used for expenses never before associated with a search for a missing child".


Go ahead and read it all here - though suspicions remain that bigger lies are yet to be exposed....

BBC? ITV? They Are All Crap.

Mannion, ITV, and Horrocks, BBC.

The Guardian today reports on a spat between Peter Horrocks, Head of News at the BBC, and his counterpart David Mannion, of ITV News.

In a nutshell, Horrocks is accusing ITV News of "sensationalising" reports of the "Belgium" sighting of Madeleine McCann, while Mannion is saying that Horrock's stance is fuelled by sour grapes, as BBC News overlooked giving the "sighting" any prominent air time.

I really wouldn't worry about it guys.

BBC, ITV - and Sky - the standard of your reports to date on the disappearance abduction of Madeleine McCann has been fucking disgraceful from day one.

Where is the objective journalism/investigative reporting in this case?

Together with your counterparts in the print media, you have whitewashed the facts; while any right thinking person will instinctively know that leaving young children alone is abhorrent, you have chosen to not only ignore this aspect of the McCanns' conduct, but to treat us sheep with a whole series of talking-heads in an attempt to assure us that it is normal behaviour, and that we have all done it?

The public are angry with you, Mr Horrocks, and with you, Mr Mannion and with Murdoch, and all of your co-conspiritors who subscribe to your very own "pact of silence".

The public are angry with you, and that is what should be worrying you now.

Correspondence With The Ku Klux Klan

Lifted shamelessly from the genius who is Harry Hutton.


DO AUSTRALIANS COUNT AS WHITES? A CORRESPONDENCE WITH THE KU KLUX KLAN

Dear Sir or Wizard

First of all congratulations on you’re great movement, its about time that some one stood up to the communists negros and homosexuls which are running (ruining) this country. Im with you all the way. But I have a question. What is your policy on the japonese? On the one hand they are rich and never cause any bother like the rest of them, but I still don’t like them. Is it OK to buy there camras?

Praise the lord!


"KENTUCKY KNIGHT" REPLIES:

We thank you for your generous comments. In truth we believe that all races should be proud of their own kind. We simply fight for the same rights that all the (supposed) minorities are enjoying. We as expected do not feel that the white race should muddy itself with the Japanese; however we do respect there existence as a race.

In Christ,
Nathan


TO: THE KU KLUX KLAN

Thank you for your reply. You are a true Knight. I rekon your right, we can live in peace with Jap so long as he doesnt try to muddy us up none.

I hope you aint too busy, sir, because Ive got another question for you.

Do Ostralians count as whites? Some of them can speak English a bit , but dont they have there own country? When I see a decent Christian girl hanging around with Ostralians I guess I just get mad. Are they mooslims in Ostralia?

What would you do, You rekon I orta give em a warning? Scare em up a little?

Jesus is Lord!


KENTUCKY KNIGHT REPLIES:

The white race is anyone directly descended from our European ancestors. Australia was a British colony that is why there are whites on that continent. Unless the Christian girl you are talking about was dating a black aboriginese indian (also from Australia) I would say she is doing nothing wrong.

There are Muslims everywhere. We need to pass on to them the Love and compassion of Jesus Christ. Only He can set them free from their sin.

On a side note. We don't want to scare anyone. Everything we do must be within the Law of God. Take care and God bless!

Nathan

I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:
(2 Timothy 4:6-8)


TO: THE KU KLUX KLAN

Well if I cant lynch Australians, who can I lynch?

Man, what happened to the Klan? You buy foreign camras, let Australians take our women... I rekon y’all got INFILTRATED BY LIBRULS.

"The righteous shall rejoice when he sees the vengeance. He shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked."

Have a great day.


NO REPLY

Complete Bollocks - Exclusive To All British Newspapers.

Excerpts from the Daily Mail online edition, 12th August 2007.

McCanns' anger at 'Madeleine is dead' police claims

Parents face more lurid claims on 100th day since she vanished

"Relations between Portuguese police and the parents of Madeleine McCann worsened today after a senior officer suggested the missing four-year-old was dead.


A family friend said it was 'extraordinary' police had 'not had the decency' to contact the couple before making the claims".


Perhaps this "family friend" - knowing a thing or two about decency, and who, presumably has direct channels to Sir Gerry and Lady Kate - might care to impart their wisdom toward the Teflon Two? Point out to them maybe, that leaving very young children unattended to go out on the piss does not fall within the realms of said decency?

And why on earth should anyone find it "extraordinary" that Chief Inspector Sousa either consult or seek consent from these two grotesques before briefing the press?

Any person with an IQ over and above that of a Daily Mail reporter will realise that the McCanns are suspects or arguidos right now, in everything but name. I have confidence that Mr Sousa, unlike these two excuses for medical professionals, truly will leave no stone unturned, and that his scrutiny of both the McCanns and their dodgy friends will shed light on the true circumstances which led to Madeleine's demise abduction.


"Moments after Kate and Gerry attended a service to pray for her, Chief Inspector Sousa, one of the detectives leading the investigation, said new evidence had heightened the possibility she was killed.

He failed to say what the new evidence was, but added that neither parent was being considered a suspect, despite wild stories in the Portuguese media. And nor were any of the friends with them at the time".


What do you mean by failed you fucktard? Don't you just love to associate the Portuguese police with words like fail? In no way did he fail, you disingenious simpleton; as you are well aware, certain aspects of the case are sub-judice in the context of Portuguese law.

Not content with slurring the Portuguese Police, you then aim at the Portuguese media. Suggestions that their media are indulging in wild stories?

Would that be wild stories like these? Or this? Maybe even this?


"Mr Sousa said: "In the past few days some clues have been found that could point to the possibility of the death of the little child, but at the moment we are waiting for the lab results and all lines of inquiry are open. But this line we are checking with a little more intensity.

Portuguese law does not allow us to put everything in the case on the table to the public or even the persons involved in the case.

At this moment in time, as we have said, the McCanns are not suspects in the case".


At this moment....the McCanns are not suspects....


At this moment, Gerry. At this moment, Kate....


I think I shall leave it there. The full article can be read here.

Endgame McCann?

The Postman, who has an enviable record of being bang on the money, seems to think so....

Kate McCann On Woman's Hour

Click on the ♫ icon and then select the Woman's Hour link to listen....

Today, I Found Jesus....

May your Dog go with you.

Further comment is likely to be superfluous.