Cunt Of The Month

While this page would normally at this time feature a "Cunt Of The Week" post, the breathtaking arrogance and stupidity of one very special man has forced a rethink here at Gooseburger Towers, and some new accolade is required.

Yes, Tony Parsons, alleged journalist and failed novelist has outcunted all of the competition to such a dizzying degree, that there is no realistic chance of him being overhauled any time soon, hence his being crowned EQG's Cunt Of The Month.

In fewer than three-hundred words, Parsons exhibits the most appalling ignorance and xenephobia toward Britain's oldest allies: he attacks the integrity and professionalism of the Portuguese Ambassador, the Portuguese Police and the Portuguese Media, and he even takes to task the Portuguese Public, referring to them as "leering bumpkins".

His finishing touch is to advise the Portuguese Ambassador to Britain, Senor Antonio Santana Carlos thus:

"if you can't say something constructive.... then you just keep your stupid, sardine-munching mouth shut."

Three Four things immediately occur:

1) Shut up, Parsons, you utter cunt.
2) You got something against fish, Parsons? Might explain why your ex-wife prefers women you putrid little sausage-jockey.
3) The Press Complaints Commission will be interested in Parson's views on the Portuguese; he has blatantly contravened sections 12(i) and (ii) of the PCC's Code of Practise; please feel free to vent your feelings about this article and register a formal complaint.
4) I am so ultra-pissed at this cunt, I can feel a whole new blog coming on....

Richard Branson - A World Beating Mong

Tycoon, magnate, mogul, nabob and peoples' hero Richard Branson, is quoted thus in today's Daily Telegraph online:

"....people generally accept around the world that the Portuguese police and press overstepped their mark."

His comments relate to the stance taken by the Portuguese Police in conferring arguido status upon those other two globe-trotters, paragons of virtue, child abandonment professionals to the Queen, and International Ambassadors for Neglected Children Everywhere,* Kate and Gerry McCann.

Take a note, Mr Branson; the legal process of a national state - any national state - is the concern of the state in question, and is none of your fucking business.

Your concern for the McCann parents' "dilemma" is as transparent and as false as your cuddly nice-guy image. You are a ruthless, self-serving businessman, who probably thinks altruism was a U.S. President.

This is either the worst business judgement you have made (and there have been a few - including that little episode in 1971 when you defrauded HM Customs) - or the establishment big boys really have got to you.

Either way, please do the world a favour. Next time you decide to act the hero and leap off of a tall building, please be kind enough to dispense with the harness first?


*Except Portugal, apparently.