What A Load Of Bollocks

By way of what is quite possibly the single most mind-numbingly tedious document it has ever been my displeasure to peruse, some London based Market Research Organization reports that public confidence in our Government's ability to successfully execute the Olympic ideal in 2012 is somewhat less than total....

The BBC distil and report on elements of the document under the banner headline

Public 'fearing Olympics failure'.

"Nearly nine out of 10 Britons do not think the government is capable of managing the 2012 Olympics"

Only 9 out of 10? And does it really take 48 pages of meaningless figures and faff to suggest that the 2012 Games are destined to be nothing but an utter fucking shambles? (How much did Opinium charge for this horse-shit? And - more pertinently - who paid for it?)

Mark Hodson, head of research at Opinium, is quoted by the BBC as saying:

"Nearly a third of Brits still think that the Games will not provide any long-term benefits to the UK".

Hodson's statement implies that some two-thirds or more of Briton's do believe that there will be some long term benefit. Just who the fuck are these people?

Predictably, a Government 'Droid Department for Culture, Media and Sport spokesman is also quoted in the BBC report, saying:

"We have in place the experience and expertise... to deliver a fantastic Games and long term legacy that will benefit millions of people for decades to come."

Correction: this government have the experience and expertise to lie and cheat, line their own pockets, bully the populace and.... that is about it. And as far as that legacy and those benefits as espoused by the 'Droid go, I rather suspect that the Government has already started as it means to go on...

Bastards, one and all.

Cunt Of The Month

While this page would normally at this time feature a "Cunt Of The Week" post, the breathtaking arrogance and stupidity of one very special man has forced a rethink here at Gooseburger Towers, and some new accolade is required.

Yes, Tony Parsons, alleged journalist and failed novelist has outcunted all of the competition to such a dizzying degree, that there is no realistic chance of him being overhauled any time soon, hence his being crowned EQG's Cunt Of The Month.

In fewer than three-hundred words, Parsons exhibits the most appalling ignorance and xenephobia toward Britain's oldest allies: he attacks the integrity and professionalism of the Portuguese Ambassador, the Portuguese Police and the Portuguese Media, and he even takes to task the Portuguese Public, referring to them as "leering bumpkins".

His finishing touch is to advise the Portuguese Ambassador to Britain, Senor Antonio Santana Carlos thus:

"if you can't say something constructive.... then you just keep your stupid, sardine-munching mouth shut."

Three Four things immediately occur:

1) Shut up, Parsons, you utter cunt.
2) You got something against fish, Parsons? Might explain why your ex-wife prefers women you putrid little sausage-jockey.
3) The Press Complaints Commission will be interested in Parson's views on the Portuguese; he has blatantly contravened sections 12(i) and (ii) of the PCC's Code of Practise; please feel free to vent your feelings about this article and register a formal complaint.
4) I am so ultra-pissed at this cunt, I can feel a whole new blog coming on....

EQG's "Exasperatingly Difficult To Solve Odd One Out Quiz"™

Updated!

In a change of format, this Friday's "Cunt of the Week" competition has been replaced by Elmer Quigley Gooseburger's "Exasperatingly Difficult To Solve, Odd One Out Quiz"™.

All you have to do to win is to correctly determine from the list of suspects adversaries shown, who you believe is the odd one out, and why!

The options are:

Dr Crippen (H H); Mr Christ (Jesus H); Mr Branson (R); Dr Dolittle (J); Felinus Pinkus; Dr Shipman (H); Dr McCann (G); Mr "What's up Doc?" Bunny (B); Dr Bellamy (D); Dr McCann (K); Mr Bushell (G); Dr Mengele (J); Dr Spock (B) and Mr Hitler (A).

Answers on a postcard to:


Clarence Mitchell
Freemasons Arms
Bohemian Grove
Rothermere


Alternatively, you can dial 0906 GOOSEBURGER* where you can leave your answer following a brief 20 minute recording detailing the rules.

Finally, you can post your answers in the comments box below.


The first correct winner drawn from all entries will win a second-hand Renault Megane**, complete with bugging devices, and featuring its very own novelty nodding Cadaver Dog!

Good luck! The correct answer, and the name of the winner will be posted Saturday 6th October.

* Calls charged at £94.00 per minute, no refunds.
** Of course, it might be a jeep.Or a Micra...whatever.



Update: The answer to Elmer Quigley Gooseburger's "Exasperatingly Difficult To Solve, Odd One Out Quiz"™ is published below.

You sure are going to kick yourselves!


The answer is: Dr McCann (G) - all of the others have a moustache. Sorry, no prizes awarded this time...

Where Irony Meets Morony

And now to Wales, where the BBC report that a gang of twelve disgruntled schoolboys have been excluded for setting a school blazer on fire.

Excuse me, but exclusion do I hear? Clearly a little effective correction is in order.

Instead of being excluded, this dirty-dozen should not only be made to write "I must not set school blazers on fire" a thousand times each, they should also have bunsen burners - set on a red flame - applied to their testicles.

Then they should be jumped upon by the entire teaching staff.

Finally, they should be forced to attend a series of extended lectures on rights and civil liberties by that crushing bore, David Duff.

That would sort them out.

Little bastards.

Leicester Mercury And The Suppression Of Free Speech

Peering into The Mirror this afternoon (as one does) and I see a number of comments alleging that The Whining Midget™ and Skeletor's™ local rag, the Leicester Mercury are up to their old tricks of burning the books, 21st Century style; deleting any comment they deem "negative" to the McCanns.

So of course I thought I would give it a whirl, just to see what gives: (click on image to expand and note the time 15:14)

















I then went to boil an egg - runny side up - but sneaked back and refreshed the web page, oh, no more than two minutes later, and saw this:


















Goose no more!

Further proof, if any were needed, that The Mercury remains a mere dead-tree provincial fish-wrapper; a cankerous pile on the anus that is the Daily Mail and General Trust Group, and with an editorial policy which would have made Goebbels proud.

Enough to make me call the editor of the Mercury, Nick Carter, a c**t, except I have made a promise of no more swearing on the blog....

McCann Enterprises - Double Or Quits?

Not content with already having milked in excess of £1000,000.00 from a sympathetic and gullible public, The Whining Midget™ and Skeletor™ are now scheming to establish an all new fund; a fund dedicated to defending themselves against slurs claims that they were involved in the death of Madeleine McCann.

Let's look first at the objectives of the original fund which were are:


1.1.1 To secure the safe return to her family of Madeleine McCann who was abducted in Praia da Luz, Portugal on Thursday 3rd May 2007;

1.1.2 To procure that Madeleine’s abduction is thoroughly investigated and that her abductors, as well as those who played or play any part in assisting them, are identified and brought to justice;

1.1.3 To provide support, including financial assistance, to Madeleine’s family.

1.2 If the above objects are fulfilled then the objects of the Foundation shall be to pursue such purposes in similar cases arising in the United Kingdom, Portugal or elsewhere.



1.1.1. Is unworthy of comment in the context of this article, due to the complete absence of any evidence supporting the McCanns' assertion that an abduction occurred.

1.1.2. Change only the words "abduction" to read "death", and "abductors" to read "killers" and we have:

1.1.2 To procure that Madeleine’s death is thoroughly investigated and that her killers, as well as those who played or play any part in assisting them, are identified and brought to justice;


Given the most recent developments, might this mean that the million pounds donated to the "Leaving No Stone Unturned" fund might be used to subsidise the ongoing police investigation into the McCanns and their feckless friends?

After all, there is no evidence to date that this money has served any useful purpose; rather it seems to have been used for junketing and retaining the services of the world's worst PR spokesperson.


1.1.3 To provide support, including financial assistance, to Madeleine’s family.

The McCanns are reported to have tried, and failed to invoke this objective as a means of raising cash for their legal defence.

Speaking on their behalf, "family friend" and PR Spinmeister David Hughes said:

“Gerry and Kate’s view is that if they take money from the fund, it might be that 90 per cent of people who made donations aren’t bothered about it. But if 10 per cent of people are bothered about it, they don’t want to upset them. They want to take the controversy out of the situation.”


And so a new fund - or at least the notion of one, is born. (I wonder if any of it would be set aside to offset any costs or inconvenience incurred by the third arguido, and patsy, Robert Murat?)


Now call me naive (and that is all I am) - but I get to wondering how many people were subject to the due process of a trial in the UK and Portuguese Courts today. And how many yesterday, and how many tomorrow?

All of them will enter the dock with the benefit of a presumption of innocence of the charges that they face. Many of them will have scrimped or sold possessions in order to fund their defences.

So why is it that, these two arrogant bastards feel that they can again ponce off of the gullible and the misguided?

Run, Rabbits, Run...

With apologies to Peter, Paul and Mary...

There's so many times we've let you down
So many times we've played around
We tell you now, they never meant a thing
We're leaving, on a jet plane
Fuck you, we won't be back again...

Well What Do You Know?

Now there's a fucking surprise.

The total cnuts even tried to sneak this one out under the radar of the ongoing McCann developments.

Bastards.

A Party Political Blogcast

A Party Political Blogcast on behalf of the Labour Party:

"Our party has been in power now for ten years - something Labour has never come close to achieving before.

And though it’s been tough at times and there are still big challenges to overcome, we can be hugely proud of the progress we have delivered together for the country.

It is easy to forget what Britain was like in 1997 - the NHS on its knees, schools crumbling, crime doubled and millions of families still scarred by unemployment over three million and interest rates still recovering from hitting 15 per cent on Black Wednesday.

And while we know that everything is not perfect now, Britain is, without doubt, a better, more prosperous and fairer place.


Well, that's me convinced...

Boom And Bust And How The Banks Fuck Us Over

It is Monday morning, and I therefore make no apologies whatsoever for a downbeat posting.

This brief post concerns the (entirely avoidable) and looming recession depression, and how it has been engineered by the banking elite.

It's not very complicated, and nor is it, in all honesty, difficult to understand.

1. Banks lend money that the banks do not own, to borrowers.
2. Heck, the banks lend out money that doesn't even fucking exist to borrowers.
3. They lend this non-existent money at low interest rates.
4. As more money is fed into the system, its value falls.
5. To counter the fall in the value of money, the price of both goods and services rise.
6. In order to afford the increased cost of living, people are forced to borrow more.
7. When the bankers see fit, they will hike up interest rates on all that borrowed "money".
8. The bankers will also then reduce the amount of money in circulation, by reducing the amount that they lend.
9. The prices of both goods and services will then fall.
10. The size of the outstanding loans on all that "funny money" does not fall, however.
11. Unable to service their loans and credit card bills, people are forced to turn over their property and assets to the banks.
12. The bankers will pull this same scam every 10 - 15 years.

It matters not one whit whether you bank with HSBC, Lloyds, Coutts or any bank overseas, because ultimately, all of these banks are owned by the same bunch of shifty, thieving demonic bastards.


Sadly, there is fuck all we can do about it.....

© Copyright probably infringed, with thanks to Stef Zucconi