We're In A Lot Of Trouble - Howard Beale, "Network", 1976

This is powerful stuff...

Peter Finch as Howard Beale from the 1976 Academy Award winning film Network.

Sadly, Beale's message is more relevant today than even it was then...and his reference to the "tube" applies to all mainstream TV, CNN News, Fox, BBC, Sky, and all newspapers...

Cunt Of The Month

While this page would normally at this time feature a "Cunt Of The Week" post, the breathtaking arrogance and stupidity of one very special man has forced a rethink here at Gooseburger Towers, and some new accolade is required.

Yes, Tony Parsons, alleged journalist and failed novelist has outcunted all of the competition to such a dizzying degree, that there is no realistic chance of him being overhauled any time soon, hence his being crowned EQG's Cunt Of The Month.

In fewer than three-hundred words, Parsons exhibits the most appalling ignorance and xenephobia toward Britain's oldest allies: he attacks the integrity and professionalism of the Portuguese Ambassador, the Portuguese Police and the Portuguese Media, and he even takes to task the Portuguese Public, referring to them as "leering bumpkins".

His finishing touch is to advise the Portuguese Ambassador to Britain, Senor Antonio Santana Carlos thus:

"if you can't say something constructive.... then you just keep your stupid, sardine-munching mouth shut."

Three Four things immediately occur:

1) Shut up, Parsons, you utter cunt.
2) You got something against fish, Parsons? Might explain why your ex-wife prefers women you putrid little sausage-jockey.
3) The Press Complaints Commission will be interested in Parson's views on the Portuguese; he has blatantly contravened sections 12(i) and (ii) of the PCC's Code of Practise; please feel free to vent your feelings about this article and register a formal complaint.
4) I am so ultra-pissed at this cunt, I can feel a whole new blog coming on....

Leicester Mercury And The Suppression Of Free Speech

Peering into The Mirror this afternoon (as one does) and I see a number of comments alleging that The Whining Midget™ and Skeletor's™ local rag, the Leicester Mercury are up to their old tricks of burning the books, 21st Century style; deleting any comment they deem "negative" to the McCanns.

So of course I thought I would give it a whirl, just to see what gives: (click on image to expand and note the time 15:14)

















I then went to boil an egg - runny side up - but sneaked back and refreshed the web page, oh, no more than two minutes later, and saw this:


















Goose no more!

Further proof, if any were needed, that The Mercury remains a mere dead-tree provincial fish-wrapper; a cankerous pile on the anus that is the Daily Mail and General Trust Group, and with an editorial policy which would have made Goebbels proud.

Enough to make me call the editor of the Mercury, Nick Carter, a c**t, except I have made a promise of no more swearing on the blog....

The Price Of Free Speech....

Just browsing the net when I was shocked to see this....

The Daily Express cover price is a mere 8 shillings! (that's 40 new pennies to you youngsters).

And to think that, for as long as I can remember, I have been shelling out 9 bob each day for the Daily Mail....

Looks like the circulation of the Daily Express is about to go up by one...

A Disgraceful Slur On A Minority

Mike Mendoza - Bigot


The talkSport radio phone-in host Mike Mendoza has been suspended for 7 days following an investigation by the regulatory body OFCOM, about a remark that he made on air in the context of David Beckham's appeal for information on abducted missing Madeleine McCann.

Introducing his phone-in programme on the day David Beckham appealed for Madeleine's safe return, the DJ said:

"The other thing that has really got up my nose over the last couple of days... are the footballers... and I'm including David Beckham on this one.....to beg whoever has grabbed her, to give her back.

"Now you tell me, paedophiles in general are the type of people that surely would not follow football... not many gay people to the best of my knowledge are great football fans."


In making this statement, Mendoza infers that paedophiles - presumably unlike "ordinary people" - will not only be uninterested in football, but also gay?

This is nothing short of shocking; Mendoza exhibits not only a profound ignorance, but exposes himself as the bigoted, intellectual dwarf that he is.

How dare Mendoza infer that footballers confine their anti-social and criminal conduct while off the pitch only to rape and thuggery?

British soccer - from its grass-roots, all the way to the pinnacle of the Premiership, has both a long and inglorious association with kiddy-fiddling.

While OFCOM released a long-winded press statement both criticizing Mendoza and upholding the numerous single complainants received by them, an anonymous source at the Paedophile Information Exchange was no less circumspect in slating the hapless radio host.

The spokesman said:

"The stigma attached to being called a nonce is bad enough, but for this four-eyed beardie-weirdo to start calling us poofs into the bargain, is a fucking disgrace.

It is not PIE's intention to dignify Mendoza's outrageous slur with any further comment."

Probably The Worst Journalist In The World....

Miss Anna Smith



Meet Anna Smith, intrepid reporter for The Sunday Mirror, and, according to popular rumour, one-time runner up in the King George VI sweepstakes at Ascot.

Miss Smith, in the face of stiff competition from the lite the trite, and the downright shite has published on the Sunday Mirror website, possibly the single most partisan and vomit inducing "news" item yet on those "poor McCann parents".

The brave and the foolhardy can see the item in full here: for those with a weaker constitution, I am presenting the lowlights only (oh that there was but a single redeeming highlight...)


Say a Praia for Maddy

FROM the moment Madeleine went missing, you got the impression the Portuguese police couldn't find their backsides in the dark.

Just look at that little police chief in the cheap suit who popped up at the first shambolic press conference. You just knew they were so far out of their depth it made your heart sink.


WTF, you arrant snobbish mare? That little police chief? You nail your flag to the mast from the outset, with your distaste for "little" people. As for your gibe regarding his "cheap" suit, I would lay my shirt it was ten times the price of your wig, you hideous fucking shemale.


Clueless. Completely clueless. From the time it took them to bring in sniffer dogs and block roads, right up to a few days ago, when suddenly blood was found on the apartment where the little girl was abducted as she slept.

It was nearly 100 days into the investigation, for God's sake. How come forensics or anyone else searching the apartment never found blood before?


Possibly because the blood in the apartment was not even present during the initial search? Perhaps the PJ did find it earlier, but chose not to divulge the information at the time? Who knows? I certainly don't and nor do you, you sour-faced witch. You seem to be great at posing impertinent fucking questions - that is of course the easy bit. Why do you not instead justify your no doubt bloated fees and expenses, and provide some answers instead?


It's bad enough that they don't know what they're doing. But what really sickens me is the way the police, the Portuguese press and others have turned on poor Gerry and Kate McCann.


"Poor Gerry and Kate McCann".... oh Christ on a bike, here we go....


It's disgusting. And from a country that has children and the family at the core of its society, it's even worse.


Such a shame then that the two good Doctors (who, by no stretch of the imagination, could ever be perceived as "little" people) considered having their own children at the core of their family. Let us though, overlook that "mistake".


I cannot imagine what every gut-wrenching day must feel like for the McCanns without Madeleine. Their last thought at night but must be about her and their first, as they open their eyes in the morning.

And yet we still have these Portuguese newspapers being drip-fed by police insiders trying to point the finger. Don't get me wrong. I'm not blaming the Portuguese police for not finding Madeleine.


Upset or jealous are you, Mr Miss Smith, that the Portuguese police are no longer offering tid-bits to the UK press?

And how thoroughly fucking gracious, not to say patronising of you, to not blame those little people in the Portuguese police, for not finding Madeleine.


But their turning on the McCanns stinks. It's all about the main agenda - the tourist trade.


No, no, no. It's about securing - against the odds - the safe return of a small girl, and the necessity of asking tough questions of all of those in the resort on the night she was abducted disappeared.

That includes asking tough questions of the McCanns. They may not be among those you perceive and label as "little" people; but both they and their dodgy friends who have reportedly formed some pact of silence, should have been (and, I suspect, were), the first port of call for the investigation, and never some "last-resort" line of enquiry.


This kidnapping has gone global, and they, and Portugal, are in the spotlight for all the wrong reasons.


Pray, what kidnapping is this you refer to? There is zero evidence to support any allegation of abduction or kidnapping, with the exception of the statements provided by Mr and Mrs McCann.

I'll write that again. There is zero evidence to support any allegation of abduction or kidnapping. Full stop.


At the end of the day, nothing is more important than money.


May I stop you there? Did you read that on the back of a matchbox, or is the phrase "At the end of the day, nothing is more important than money" merely an example of your creative writing skills?**


I was talking to a wealthy Irish golfer the other day, who has a house in Praia de Luz. When he mentioned it was in the place Madeleine went missing, I expected him to be sympathetic to the family. But you know what he said? It's ruining the whole place for everyone.


Hmmmm. I rather think he could be right, Miss Smith...


It used to be a great place out there with the golf, he lamented, but now the missing girl is all everyone talks about. Unbelievable. But, sadly, that mindset is out there. And not just among people like him. I would bet the cops and the authorities will be glad to see the back of the McCanns.


Of course both the Portuguese police and the authorities there will be glad to see them leave the country, you dozy bint.

Ask not what Portugal have ever done for them (which is in fact, rather a lot), but what the fuck have these two whining feckless fools done for Portugal? Exactly nothing. Notwithstanding that, Miss Smith, there is a growing belief that the McCanns will not be leaving Portugal any time soon, anyway. Watch this space.


In fact they can't even wait until the heartbroken couple find the strength to go home without their precious little girl.


Jesus. They have found the strength between them to go to the USA, Morocco, Holland, Italy....


They know their insidious little leaked stories to the press will drive those poor parents out.


That word "little" again. And insidious? Christ, Smith, as a reporter (I believe you are a reporter, though there is a growing amount of evidence to suggest otherwise?) -
what makes a leak insidious? One man's insidious leak is another man's freedom of information. (Though I will acknowledge that you are not a man. Allegedly).



The article totters on for several more chapters in the same vacuous, bleeding-heart fashion. I would urge no one to read it in full, at all, ever.


**Yes, Miss Smith is not only an award winning reporter, but also an acclaimed novelist. I read it on the internet, so it must be true...her latest novel "The Homecoming" is available new here, priced at one penny.

Which is, frankly, still worth more than the piss-poor propoganda you provide in your role as a "reporter", Smith.

BBC? ITV? They Are All Crap.

Mannion, ITV, and Horrocks, BBC.

The Guardian today reports on a spat between Peter Horrocks, Head of News at the BBC, and his counterpart David Mannion, of ITV News.

In a nutshell, Horrocks is accusing ITV News of "sensationalising" reports of the "Belgium" sighting of Madeleine McCann, while Mannion is saying that Horrock's stance is fuelled by sour grapes, as BBC News overlooked giving the "sighting" any prominent air time.

I really wouldn't worry about it guys.

BBC, ITV - and Sky - the standard of your reports to date on the disappearance abduction of Madeleine McCann has been fucking disgraceful from day one.

Where is the objective journalism/investigative reporting in this case?

Together with your counterparts in the print media, you have whitewashed the facts; while any right thinking person will instinctively know that leaving young children alone is abhorrent, you have chosen to not only ignore this aspect of the McCanns' conduct, but to treat us sheep with a whole series of talking-heads in an attempt to assure us that it is normal behaviour, and that we have all done it?

The public are angry with you, Mr Horrocks, and with you, Mr Mannion and with Murdoch, and all of your co-conspiritors who subscribe to your very own "pact of silence".

The public are angry with you, and that is what should be worrying you now.

Complete Bollocks - Exclusive To All British Newspapers.

Excerpts from the Daily Mail online edition, 12th August 2007.

McCanns' anger at 'Madeleine is dead' police claims

Parents face more lurid claims on 100th day since she vanished

"Relations between Portuguese police and the parents of Madeleine McCann worsened today after a senior officer suggested the missing four-year-old was dead.


A family friend said it was 'extraordinary' police had 'not had the decency' to contact the couple before making the claims".


Perhaps this "family friend" - knowing a thing or two about decency, and who, presumably has direct channels to Sir Gerry and Lady Kate - might care to impart their wisdom toward the Teflon Two? Point out to them maybe, that leaving very young children unattended to go out on the piss does not fall within the realms of said decency?

And why on earth should anyone find it "extraordinary" that Chief Inspector Sousa either consult or seek consent from these two grotesques before briefing the press?

Any person with an IQ over and above that of a Daily Mail reporter will realise that the McCanns are suspects or arguidos right now, in everything but name. I have confidence that Mr Sousa, unlike these two excuses for medical professionals, truly will leave no stone unturned, and that his scrutiny of both the McCanns and their dodgy friends will shed light on the true circumstances which led to Madeleine's demise abduction.


"Moments after Kate and Gerry attended a service to pray for her, Chief Inspector Sousa, one of the detectives leading the investigation, said new evidence had heightened the possibility she was killed.

He failed to say what the new evidence was, but added that neither parent was being considered a suspect, despite wild stories in the Portuguese media. And nor were any of the friends with them at the time".


What do you mean by failed you fucktard? Don't you just love to associate the Portuguese police with words like fail? In no way did he fail, you disingenious simpleton; as you are well aware, certain aspects of the case are sub-judice in the context of Portuguese law.

Not content with slurring the Portuguese Police, you then aim at the Portuguese media. Suggestions that their media are indulging in wild stories?

Would that be wild stories like these? Or this? Maybe even this?


"Mr Sousa said: "In the past few days some clues have been found that could point to the possibility of the death of the little child, but at the moment we are waiting for the lab results and all lines of inquiry are open. But this line we are checking with a little more intensity.

Portuguese law does not allow us to put everything in the case on the table to the public or even the persons involved in the case.

At this moment in time, as we have said, the McCanns are not suspects in the case".


At this moment....the McCanns are not suspects....


At this moment, Gerry. At this moment, Kate....


I think I shall leave it there. The full article can be read here.

Team McCann - The Silence Of The Wolves, And The McCannonisation Of The Teflon Two

The grieving parents of Madeleine McCann

It is not my intention to tread what is already a well travelled path in detailing the failings, (whether real, or perceived) of Gerry and Kate McCann, and the circumstances leading up to the occasion of their daughter's disappearance.

Suffice to state that, in spite of the best efforts of both the Teflon Two, and their team of keyboard chimps, every man-jack and woman-jill with whom I have discussed this matter - regardless of their political leaning, religious persuasion, creed or social status - have all been in total agreement.

And that is, that the McCanns were not at worst naive; at best, they were criminally negligent, and at worst, one or both of them, it is widely rumoured, played an active role in the child's disappearance or demise.

No, there are already Forums, Blogs and Articles "out there" and "online" pouring scorn on this pair of self-serving, manipulative, irresponsible, deluded, feckless, and fundamentally dishonest fools.

So, rather than use this post as an opportunity to "bash the McCanns", I will instead, focus on the failings of the sheep in wolves' clothing - the Great British Press.

Despite all of the obvious and well documented
lies and inconsistencies spouted by Saint Gerry and Lady Kate, for some unaccountable reason, the normally wolverine British presspack - together with the loathsome barons who hire and fire them - present these greedy, grasping pariahs not only as model parents but are touting them to become Pan-European or maybe - Global - Ambassadors specialising in child welfare?

It is not as if any Previously Reported Cases of Child Abandonment have resulted in Plaudits for the Parents; the Great British Public know they are being jerked off by the MSM, the MSM know we know it, and we know they know we know it, yet this charade, this "Pact of Silence" on the part of British TV and newspapers persists.

So much for the rump of the MSM.

The flanks - taking as an example the Leicester Mercury, (which was The Teflon Two's local rag back in the days when they were a couple of unremarkable "medical professionals" in suburban nowhere) - are no better.

The political non-entity, that is Phil Dilks - ex-journalist, and now Labour Shadow Portfolio Holder for Education, and member of Lincolnshire Police Authority has Previous Form himself In The Child Abandonment Stakes - and he finds it reasonable that the (in his own words) "highly respected" Leicester Mercury see fit to block any comment whatsoever in its reporting on the McCanns.

Nick Carter, editor of the Beano Leicester Mercury writes:

"We encourage feedback to our website, but we have to monitor what is said to make sure people are not posting comments that might be libelous, breach the law in any way or cause gratuitous offence."

"A tiny minority of people seem to want to say nasty, spiteful and defamatory things about the McCann family."

"They are bombarding our site, and we had no choice but to block comment entirely on reports about the family."

So, Mr Carter is now allowing a "tiny minority" to dictate editorial policy?

If the Mercury truly is subject to a "bombardment" of "nasty, spiteful or defamatory" postings from this "tiny minority", why the sledgehammer to crack a nut approach, when selective blocking of the source IP's would remedy any issues?

Truth is, ever since this charade began, The Mercury have been entirely selective in terms of those posts which pass the gatekeeper and those that do not. Only the most lachrymose, simpering, self-absorbed and sympathetic of posts have ever been published, while for weeks, it has been systematically declining to print, or exhibit, any comment that is even mildly critical, or questioning the actions or integrity of the Teflon Two.

With the advent of its new! improved! 2007! exercise in book-burning, the Mercury commands zero respect, and earns less still.

Far from being "highly respected", Mr Dilks, The Mercury is a mere dead-tree provincial fish-wrapper; a cankerous pile on the anus that is the Daily Mail and General Trust Group.

Why does no arm of the British MSM have the courage, resource or resolve to pose the tough questions to these ex-doctors?

Answers on a postcard please, to:

Phil Dilks Esq
c/o Nick Carter
Leicester Mercury
Daily Mail & General Trust PLC
Freemasons Arms
Viscount Way
Bohemian Grove
Rothermere