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While this page would normally at this time feature a "Cunt Of The Week" post, the breathtaking arrogance and stupidity of one very special man has forced a rethink here at Gooseburger Towers, and some new accolade is required.
Yes, Tony Parsons, alleged journalist and failed novelist has outcunted all of the competition to such a dizzying degree, that there is no realistic chance of him being overhauled any time soon, hence his being crowned EQG's Cunt Of The Month.
In fewer than three-hundred words, Parsons exhibits the most appalling ignorance and xenephobia toward Britain's oldest allies: he attacks the integrity and professionalism of the Portuguese Ambassador, the Portuguese Police and the Portuguese Media, and he even takes to task the Portuguese Public, referring to them as "leering bumpkins".
His finishing touch is to advise the Portuguese Ambassador to Britain, Senor Antonio Santana Carlos thus:
"if you can't say something constructive.... then you just keep your stupid, sardine-munching mouth shut."
Three Four things immediately occur:
1) Shut up, Parsons, you utter cunt.
2) You got something against fish, Parsons? Might explain why your ex-wife prefers women you putrid little sausage-jockey.
3) The Press Complaints Commission will be interested in Parson's views on the Portuguese; he has blatantly contravened sections 12(i) and (ii) of the PCC's Code of Practise; please feel free to vent your feelings about this article and register a formal complaint.
4) I am so ultra-pissed at this cunt, I can feel a whole new blog coming on....
And now to Wales, where the BBC report that a gang of twelve disgruntled schoolboys have been excluded for setting a school blazer on fire.
Excuse me, but exclusion do I hear? Clearly a little effective correction is in order.
Instead of being excluded, this dirty-dozen should not only be made to write "I must not set school blazers on fire" a thousand times each, they should also have bunsen burners - set on a red flame - applied to their testicles.
Then they should be jumped upon by the entire teaching staff.
Finally, they should be forced to attend a series of extended lectures on rights and civil liberties by that crushing bore, David Duff.
That would sort them out.
Little bastards.
Kathleen JenningsAnd so to the Daily Mail, which reports today on the broken windows policy that has been adopted by Merseyrail in attempting to combat anti-social behaviour on their fleet of trains, and the consequences for one Kathleen Jennings, who was summonsed to appear in Court for "wilfully interfering with the comfort or convenience" of other passengers.
Her offence? She chose to place her feet on a seat on the train.
Wails Miss Jennings: ""I am not the sort of person who would do anything wrong, I have never been in trouble before .... I do not want a criminal record."
Her father chips in: "It's ridiculous. Why couldn't a fixed-penalty notice be given? She could end up with a criminal record..... it's madness.... she is a good, considerate girl."
Yes indeed. Though clearly not considerate enough to not despoil the on-train furniture with her filthy trotters, it would make my day if this little corner of England's underclass was sent down for two weeks.
Hats off to Merseyrail says I, the only train operating business in the UK to vigorously publicise and pursue a "no-feet-on-seats" policy.
Update: the BBC are reporting that the ignorant little sow got only an absolute discharge from Chester Magistrates. No fine, no costs, no fuck-all.
Chairman of the Bench, Christine Abrams, is quoted as saying:
"The bench is united in feeling while this may have been contrary to a by-law, Merseyrail should have a less draconian method for dealing with matters of this nature."
Well damn you, damn your bench, and damn your eyes, Abrams, you politically correct coward. Do you ever travel on a train, a tram or a late night bus? Or do you, as is more likely, ensconce yourself within the safe and sterile confines of a Volvo or Saab?
You have, today, spurned the perfect opportunity to send out a wake-up call to these brattish, ill-mannered, ignorant, loutish, anti-social scum whose behaviour is endured daily by a disaffected, and frequently intimidated, British public.
And while the scum are sticking two fingers up at you, you are guilty of sticking two fingers up at us.
