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Updated!
In a change of format, this Friday's "Cunt of the Week" competition has been replaced by Elmer Quigley Gooseburger's "Exasperatingly Difficult To Solve, Odd One Out Quiz"™.
All you have to do to win is to correctly determine from the list of suspects adversaries shown, who you believe is the odd one out, and why!
The options are:
Dr Crippen (H H); Mr Christ (Jesus H); Mr Branson (R); Dr Dolittle (J); Felinus Pinkus; Dr Shipman (H); Dr McCann (G); Mr "What's up Doc?" Bunny (B); Dr Bellamy (D); Dr McCann (K); Mr Bushell (G); Dr Mengele (J); Dr Spock (B) and Mr Hitler (A).
Answers on a postcard to:
Clarence Mitchell
Freemasons Arms
Bohemian Grove
Rothermere
Alternatively, you can dial 0906 GOOSEBURGER* where you can leave your answer following a brief 20 minute recording detailing the rules.
Finally, you can post your answers in the comments box below.
The first correct winner drawn from all entries will win a second-hand Renault Megane**, complete with bugging devices, and featuring its very own novelty nodding Cadaver Dog!
Good luck! The correct answer, and the name of the winner will be posted Saturday 6th October.
* Calls charged at £94.00 per minute, no refunds.
** Of course, it might be a jeep.Or a Micra...whatever.
Update: The answer to Elmer Quigley Gooseburger's "Exasperatingly Difficult To Solve, Odd One Out Quiz"™ is published below.
You sure are going to kick yourselves!
The answer is: Dr McCann (G) - all of the others have a moustache. Sorry, no prizes awarded this time...
This might be the very topic that the phrase "spoilt for choice" was made for.
This is a new feature to the blog, but one which will appear very, very regularly. Weekly, even.
While Blair achieved only one thing - the taking of cuntiness to new heights - his resignation - and consequent absence from TV, radio, newspapers etc - regrettably, disqualify him from this week's competition.
Please be assured, however, that if he does manage to do anything of note now he is out of office, and we are again treated to his obnoxious grin, or his simpering, "fuck you" tones on the telly or radio, he will be the cuntidate of choice.
Until then, this week's cuntenders are:
1) The Police Chief (s?) defending the indefensible;
2) The fucking cowardly and inept PCSOs defended by the above cunt(s)
3) Gerry Fucking McCann 4) Clarence "the cunt" Mitchell
5) Richard Branson
Regrettably, neither David Duff nor Iain Dale are eligible for entry into The Cunt Of The Week competition; Duff, because he is not a cunt (he is, in fact, a nice guy) - and Dale, who is also not a cunt (but only because he is a prick).And this week's winner is.....Yes, in the face of strong competition - entrants including one or more British "Police" Community Support Officers who declined to jump into a pond to save a drowning child, because, wait for it, they were not "properly trained" ....the winner is....."It' s a three-way tie!Gerry McCann, Clarence Mitchell and Richard Branson are ALL cunts of the week (and every fucking week).Cunts.Next week: Cunts of the week; mixed doubles: can Kate and Gerry pull through?
Not content with already having milked in excess of £1000,000.00 from a sympathetic and gullible public, The Whining Midget™ and Skeletor™ are now scheming to establish an all new fund; a fund dedicated to defending themselves against slurs claims that they were involved in the death of Madeleine McCann.
Let's look first at the objectives of the original fund which were are:
1.1.1 To secure the safe return to her family of Madeleine McCann who was abducted in Praia da Luz, Portugal on Thursday 3rd May 2007;
1.1.2 To procure that Madeleine’s abduction is thoroughly investigated and that her abductors, as well as those who played or play any part in assisting them, are identified and brought to justice;
1.1.3 To provide support, including financial assistance, to Madeleine’s family.
1.2 If the above objects are fulfilled then the objects of the Foundation shall be to pursue such purposes in similar cases arising in the United Kingdom, Portugal or elsewhere.
1.1.1. Is unworthy of comment in the context of this article, due to the complete absence of any evidence supporting the McCanns' assertion that an abduction occurred.
1.1.2. Change only the words "abduction" to read "death", and "abductors" to read "killers" and we have:
1.1.2 To procure that Madeleine’s death is thoroughly investigated and that her killers, as well as those who played or play any part in assisting them, are identified and brought to justice;
Given the most recent developments, might this mean that the million pounds donated to the "Leaving No Stone Unturned" fund might be used to subsidise the ongoing police investigation into the McCanns and their feckless friends?
After all, there is no evidence to date that this money has served any useful purpose; rather it seems to have been used for junketing and retaining the services of the world's worst PR spokesperson.
1.1.3 To provide support, including financial assistance, to Madeleine’s family.
The McCanns are reported to have tried, and failed to invoke this objective as a means of raising cash for their legal defence.
Speaking on their behalf, "family friend" and PR Spinmeister David Hughes said:
“Gerry and Kate’s view is that if they take money from the fund, it might be that 90 per cent of people who made donations aren’t bothered about it. But if 10 per cent of people are bothered about it, they don’t want to upset them. They want to take the controversy out of the situation.”
And so a new fund - or at least the notion of one, is born. (I wonder if any of it would be set aside to offset any costs or inconvenience incurred by the third arguido, and patsy, Robert Murat?)
Now call me naive (and that is all I am) - but I get to wondering how many people were subject to the due process of a trial in the UK and Portuguese Courts today. And how many yesterday, and how many tomorrow?
All of them will enter the dock with the benefit of a presumption of innocence of the charges that they face. Many of them will have scrimped or sold possessions in order to fund their defences.
So why is it that, these two arrogant bastards feel that they can again ponce off of the gullible and the misguided?
Now there's a fucking surprise.
The total cnuts even tried to sneak this one out under the radar of the ongoing McCann developments.
Bastards.
Kathleen JenningsAnd so to the Daily Mail, which reports today on the broken windows policy that has been adopted by Merseyrail in attempting to combat anti-social behaviour on their fleet of trains, and the consequences for one Kathleen Jennings, who was summonsed to appear in Court for "wilfully interfering with the comfort or convenience" of other passengers.
Her offence? She chose to place her feet on a seat on the train.
Wails Miss Jennings: ""I am not the sort of person who would do anything wrong, I have never been in trouble before .... I do not want a criminal record."
Her father chips in: "It's ridiculous. Why couldn't a fixed-penalty notice be given? She could end up with a criminal record..... it's madness.... she is a good, considerate girl."
Yes indeed. Though clearly not considerate enough to not despoil the on-train furniture with her filthy trotters, it would make my day if this little corner of England's underclass was sent down for two weeks.
Hats off to Merseyrail says I, the only train operating business in the UK to vigorously publicise and pursue a "no-feet-on-seats" policy.
Update: the BBC are reporting that the ignorant little sow got only an absolute discharge from Chester Magistrates. No fine, no costs, no fuck-all.
Chairman of the Bench, Christine Abrams, is quoted as saying:
"The bench is united in feeling while this may have been contrary to a by-law, Merseyrail should have a less draconian method for dealing with matters of this nature."
Well damn you, damn your bench, and damn your eyes, Abrams, you politically correct coward. Do you ever travel on a train, a tram or a late night bus? Or do you, as is more likely, ensconce yourself within the safe and sterile confines of a Volvo or Saab?
You have, today, spurned the perfect opportunity to send out a wake-up call to these brattish, ill-mannered, ignorant, loutish, anti-social scum whose behaviour is endured daily by a disaffected, and frequently intimidated, British public.
And while the scum are sticking two fingers up at you, you are guilty of sticking two fingers up at us.
