EQG's "Exasperatingly Difficult To Solve Odd One Out Quiz"™

Updated!

In a change of format, this Friday's "Cunt of the Week" competition has been replaced by Elmer Quigley Gooseburger's "Exasperatingly Difficult To Solve, Odd One Out Quiz"™.

All you have to do to win is to correctly determine from the list of suspects adversaries shown, who you believe is the odd one out, and why!

The options are:

Dr Crippen (H H); Mr Christ (Jesus H); Mr Branson (R); Dr Dolittle (J); Felinus Pinkus; Dr Shipman (H); Dr McCann (G); Mr "What's up Doc?" Bunny (B); Dr Bellamy (D); Dr McCann (K); Mr Bushell (G); Dr Mengele (J); Dr Spock (B) and Mr Hitler (A).

Answers on a postcard to:


Clarence Mitchell
Freemasons Arms
Bohemian Grove
Rothermere


Alternatively, you can dial 0906 GOOSEBURGER* where you can leave your answer following a brief 20 minute recording detailing the rules.

Finally, you can post your answers in the comments box below.


The first correct winner drawn from all entries will win a second-hand Renault Megane**, complete with bugging devices, and featuring its very own novelty nodding Cadaver Dog!

Good luck! The correct answer, and the name of the winner will be posted Saturday 6th October.

* Calls charged at £94.00 per minute, no refunds.
** Of course, it might be a jeep.Or a Micra...whatever.



Update: The answer to Elmer Quigley Gooseburger's "Exasperatingly Difficult To Solve, Odd One Out Quiz"™ is published below.

You sure are going to kick yourselves!


The answer is: Dr McCann (G) - all of the others have a moustache. Sorry, no prizes awarded this time...

Cunt Of The Week

This might be the very topic that the phrase "spoilt for choice" was made for.

This is a new feature to the blog, but one which will appear very, very regularly. Weekly, even.

While Blair achieved only one thing - the taking of cuntiness to new heights - his resignation - and consequent absence from TV, radio, newspapers etc - regrettably, disqualify him from this week's competition.

Please be assured, however, that if he does manage to do anything of note now he is out of office, and we are again treated to his obnoxious grin, or his simpering, "fuck you" tones on the telly or radio, he will be the cuntidate of choice.

Until then, this week's cuntenders are:

1) The Police Chief (s?) defending the indefensible;
2) The fucking cowardly and inept PCSOs defended by the above cunt(s)
3) Gerry Fucking McCann
4) Clarence "the cunt" Mitchell
5) Richard Branson


Regrettably, neither David Duff nor Iain Dale are eligible for entry into The Cunt Of The Week competition; Duff, because he is not a cunt (he is, in fact, a nice guy) - and Dale, who is also not a cunt (but only because he is a prick).


And this week's winner is.....

Yes, in the face of strong competition - entrants including one or more British "Police" Community Support Officers who declined to jump into a pond to save a drowning child, because, wait for it, they were not "properly trained" ....the winner is....."


It' s a three-way tie!

Gerry McCann, Clarence Mitchell and Richard Branson are ALL cunts of the week (and every fucking week).

Cunts.

Next week: Cunts of the week; mixed doubles: can Kate and Gerry pull through?

McCann Enterprises - Double Or Quits?

Not content with already having milked in excess of £1000,000.00 from a sympathetic and gullible public, The Whining Midget™ and Skeletor™ are now scheming to establish an all new fund; a fund dedicated to defending themselves against slurs claims that they were involved in the death of Madeleine McCann.

Let's look first at the objectives of the original fund which were are:


1.1.1 To secure the safe return to her family of Madeleine McCann who was abducted in Praia da Luz, Portugal on Thursday 3rd May 2007;

1.1.2 To procure that Madeleine’s abduction is thoroughly investigated and that her abductors, as well as those who played or play any part in assisting them, are identified and brought to justice;

1.1.3 To provide support, including financial assistance, to Madeleine’s family.

1.2 If the above objects are fulfilled then the objects of the Foundation shall be to pursue such purposes in similar cases arising in the United Kingdom, Portugal or elsewhere.



1.1.1. Is unworthy of comment in the context of this article, due to the complete absence of any evidence supporting the McCanns' assertion that an abduction occurred.

1.1.2. Change only the words "abduction" to read "death", and "abductors" to read "killers" and we have:

1.1.2 To procure that Madeleine’s death is thoroughly investigated and that her killers, as well as those who played or play any part in assisting them, are identified and brought to justice;


Given the most recent developments, might this mean that the million pounds donated to the "Leaving No Stone Unturned" fund might be used to subsidise the ongoing police investigation into the McCanns and their feckless friends?

After all, there is no evidence to date that this money has served any useful purpose; rather it seems to have been used for junketing and retaining the services of the world's worst PR spokesperson.


1.1.3 To provide support, including financial assistance, to Madeleine’s family.

The McCanns are reported to have tried, and failed to invoke this objective as a means of raising cash for their legal defence.

Speaking on their behalf, "family friend" and PR Spinmeister David Hughes said:

“Gerry and Kate’s view is that if they take money from the fund, it might be that 90 per cent of people who made donations aren’t bothered about it. But if 10 per cent of people are bothered about it, they don’t want to upset them. They want to take the controversy out of the situation.”


And so a new fund - or at least the notion of one, is born. (I wonder if any of it would be set aside to offset any costs or inconvenience incurred by the third arguido, and patsy, Robert Murat?)


Now call me naive (and that is all I am) - but I get to wondering how many people were subject to the due process of a trial in the UK and Portuguese Courts today. And how many yesterday, and how many tomorrow?

All of them will enter the dock with the benefit of a presumption of innocence of the charges that they face. Many of them will have scrimped or sold possessions in order to fund their defences.

So why is it that, these two arrogant bastards feel that they can again ponce off of the gullible and the misguided?

Sky News Hacked?

Sky News Hacked?

"The twins Sean and Amelie stumbled on the steps as they boarded. They were reported to have been heard saying it had been their best-ever holiday."

Update: well, that was short lived. Move along, nothing to see here...

Run, Rabbits, Run...

With apologies to Peter, Paul and Mary...

There's so many times we've let you down
So many times we've played around
We tell you now, they never meant a thing
We're leaving, on a jet plane
Fuck you, we won't be back again...

Justine McGuinness - Family Spokesperson Extraordinaire

Justine McGuinness - naive?

Christ on a bike, she would do Chemical Ali proud.

While media outlets as diverse as Sky News the BBC and even The Leicester Mercury begin to stir from their collective amnesia / slumber, and actually smell the coffee, I just caught what appears to be a live news feed on BBC News 24 of Comical Ali dear Justine continuing to spout the official McCann line:

"They (the PJ) believe that they have evidence that Kate was somehow involved in the death of her daughter.... these suggestions are shocking.... ludicrous ....they made a series of ridiculous allegations....

Kate is a loving and caring mother.... she dotes on all of her children.... there is a fear that she may be arrested for a crime that she certainly did not commit....

Let's remember that they (the McCanns) are victims.... Kate wants to appeal to the British public to continue looking for Madeleine...."


While the outpourings of anger, disbelief and indignation expressed by long-standing friends and family members are, by varying degrees, understandable, excusable and deserving of public sympathy - McGuinness' own continued, misguided, and paid-for loyalty, is not.

Her perspective on the McCanns is based, presumably, on nothing more than her short acquaintance with them as their Spokesperson (plus pieces of silver).


Question occurs: just how many pieces of silver must she be getting for this?


Update: Judas McGuinness can now be seen perpetuating a similar web of deceit on Sky News.

The McCanns - The McPlot Thickens....

And so to the BBC who report today that the Ice Maiden is this afternoon due to be reinterviewed by Portuguese Police.

While she will be accompanied by her lawyer, Carlos Pinta da Specialbreu, she will, on this occasion, be without Cuddle Cat Cuddle Hippo her husband, Gerry McCann.

What can it all mean?

Update: The Postman has a far more informative post here.

McCanns - New Slurs Just In

Today's front page news from Correio da Manhã:

"Fluídos biológicos de Maddie foram encontrados pelo laboratório de Birminghan nas amostras enviadas pe-la Polícia Judiciária para Inglaterra.

O CM sabe que estes vestígios – resíduos de sangue não perceptíveis a olho nu encontrados no apartamento do Oce-an Club e no carro alugado pelos McCann – já se encontram na posse da PJ e deverão determinar desenvolvimentos imediatos do caso. O mais importante deverá ser um novo interrogatório aos pais de Madeleine e a alguns dos amigos do casal que se encontravam de férias no Algarve quando a criança desapareceu.

Estes desenvolvimentos baseados nos resultados das amostras biológicas são hoje também noticiados por vários jornais ingleses que apontam para a realização de detenções nas próximas 48 horas. As amostras mais importantes, das dezenas que foram enviadas para Inglaterra, deverão ter sido as recolhidas no apartamento dos Mc-Cann na Praia da Luz, em particular no chão e num armário na casa onde posteriormente a família se instalou e no carro que alugaram depois de a menina ter desaparecido.

Estas amostras foram recolhidas depois de os cães pisteiros ingleses terem sinalizado vestígios biológicos de sangue e odor de cadáver em roupas de Kate McCann."


"Biological traces of Madeleine McCann have have been detected in the samples send by Portuguese Police to the laboratory in Birmingham, England.

The traces of blood - not visible to the naked eye - found at the Ocean Club apartment and in the car rented by the Mcann’s - have been returned to Portuguese authorities and further developments are believed to be imminent.

Both Madeleine’s parents and a number of their friends who were on holiday in the Algarve when the child disappeared, face fresh interrogation by the police.

The most compelling of the samples were collected from the floor and closet of the villa which the McCann family moved to following Maddie's disappearance, and from the hire car rented from the McCanns several weeks later.

These samples were collected after the English dogs signalled biological traces of blood and of a scent of a corpse in clothes belonging to Kate Maccann..."

The Weekly Wizard - The Cardiologist And The Testicles

In homage to a Light in the Darkness, and The Daily Merlin:


Transcript
Weekly Wizard Insight (using the Creche of the Warner Tarot)
1st September 2007
14:33pm - 14:34pm
UK


'Wild guesswork and speculation around Kate & Gerry McCann using the significators The Cardiologist & The Testicles' ...

Almost incredibly unbelievably, the Ice Maiden and the 5 of Testicles have appeared in association with these significators. The Sol and The Fool have been closely associated with numerous insights over the previous months.

Another very, very inconceivably uncanny occurrence is the complete absence of any discernable number sequence from left to right, beginning with the Ice Maiden on the left and terminating with the furry accessory.

I have gleaned from this remarkable sequence that somewhere in this situation, a mystery of sorts remains unresolved....if I can only intuit what the mystery is, then I should have some realistic chance of solving it...

Something, or more likely, somebody has most definetely been out of order. Indeed the 14 of Vinos reversed indicates dulled senses as all of the bottles have been emptied...

The only other reversed card in the sequence is "The Cardiologist"; this suggests strongly to me that there is some connection between the empty wine vessels and the cardiologist, but I am getting no further insights now as to what this might mean...

What might be the significance of "The Patsy" here ... I have used the runes in collaboration with this reading, and the letters "RM" came through to me... though I am reluctant to pursue this aspect now as I am unable yet to fathom the significance of these letters...

Note the absence within this reading, of the card "The Nine of Tapas"; where this card has previously featured regularly in my readings, it is, on this occasion, absent...this suggests to me that the number 9 may, or may not be significant to events.

The presence in this reading of the "Furry Accessory" in conjunction with the "Five of Testicles" suggests that there is some relationship between the accessory and many testicles, though again I presently glimpse only shadows through the mist: I will however, divulge more in relation to this once sufficient light falls on the shadows.

Much on which to muse upon....

The almost absurdly inconceivably unbelievable conjunction of "The Cardiologist", The "Ice Maiden", the "Furry Accessory" and the "Testicles" leads me to believe that someone, somewhere, is suppressing the truth, though I suspect that the full significance of this may not come to light for some not inconsiderable period of time yet.

Below the middle line of 4 cards is the representation of the opposition to Gerry & Kate shown by "The Sol" and "The Fool".

The very presence of "The Fool" suggests to me that someone, somewhere is withholding information from the enquiry.... though I cannot now glean who that person, or those people might be...

Conversely, "The Sol" - which is in opposition to "The Fool" - may yet prove to be a credible source of information and valuable to the enquiry.


Next week: Beating alcoholism, with Paul Gascoigne.

Probably The Worst Journalist In The World....

Miss Anna Smith



Meet Anna Smith, intrepid reporter for The Sunday Mirror, and, according to popular rumour, one-time runner up in the King George VI sweepstakes at Ascot.

Miss Smith, in the face of stiff competition from the lite the trite, and the downright shite has published on the Sunday Mirror website, possibly the single most partisan and vomit inducing "news" item yet on those "poor McCann parents".

The brave and the foolhardy can see the item in full here: for those with a weaker constitution, I am presenting the lowlights only (oh that there was but a single redeeming highlight...)


Say a Praia for Maddy

FROM the moment Madeleine went missing, you got the impression the Portuguese police couldn't find their backsides in the dark.

Just look at that little police chief in the cheap suit who popped up at the first shambolic press conference. You just knew they were so far out of their depth it made your heart sink.


WTF, you arrant snobbish mare? That little police chief? You nail your flag to the mast from the outset, with your distaste for "little" people. As for your gibe regarding his "cheap" suit, I would lay my shirt it was ten times the price of your wig, you hideous fucking shemale.


Clueless. Completely clueless. From the time it took them to bring in sniffer dogs and block roads, right up to a few days ago, when suddenly blood was found on the apartment where the little girl was abducted as she slept.

It was nearly 100 days into the investigation, for God's sake. How come forensics or anyone else searching the apartment never found blood before?


Possibly because the blood in the apartment was not even present during the initial search? Perhaps the PJ did find it earlier, but chose not to divulge the information at the time? Who knows? I certainly don't and nor do you, you sour-faced witch. You seem to be great at posing impertinent fucking questions - that is of course the easy bit. Why do you not instead justify your no doubt bloated fees and expenses, and provide some answers instead?


It's bad enough that they don't know what they're doing. But what really sickens me is the way the police, the Portuguese press and others have turned on poor Gerry and Kate McCann.


"Poor Gerry and Kate McCann".... oh Christ on a bike, here we go....


It's disgusting. And from a country that has children and the family at the core of its society, it's even worse.


Such a shame then that the two good Doctors (who, by no stretch of the imagination, could ever be perceived as "little" people) considered having their own children at the core of their family. Let us though, overlook that "mistake".


I cannot imagine what every gut-wrenching day must feel like for the McCanns without Madeleine. Their last thought at night but must be about her and their first, as they open their eyes in the morning.

And yet we still have these Portuguese newspapers being drip-fed by police insiders trying to point the finger. Don't get me wrong. I'm not blaming the Portuguese police for not finding Madeleine.


Upset or jealous are you, Mr Miss Smith, that the Portuguese police are no longer offering tid-bits to the UK press?

And how thoroughly fucking gracious, not to say patronising of you, to not blame those little people in the Portuguese police, for not finding Madeleine.


But their turning on the McCanns stinks. It's all about the main agenda - the tourist trade.


No, no, no. It's about securing - against the odds - the safe return of a small girl, and the necessity of asking tough questions of all of those in the resort on the night she was abducted disappeared.

That includes asking tough questions of the McCanns. They may not be among those you perceive and label as "little" people; but both they and their dodgy friends who have reportedly formed some pact of silence, should have been (and, I suspect, were), the first port of call for the investigation, and never some "last-resort" line of enquiry.


This kidnapping has gone global, and they, and Portugal, are in the spotlight for all the wrong reasons.


Pray, what kidnapping is this you refer to? There is zero evidence to support any allegation of abduction or kidnapping, with the exception of the statements provided by Mr and Mrs McCann.

I'll write that again. There is zero evidence to support any allegation of abduction or kidnapping. Full stop.


At the end of the day, nothing is more important than money.


May I stop you there? Did you read that on the back of a matchbox, or is the phrase "At the end of the day, nothing is more important than money" merely an example of your creative writing skills?**


I was talking to a wealthy Irish golfer the other day, who has a house in Praia de Luz. When he mentioned it was in the place Madeleine went missing, I expected him to be sympathetic to the family. But you know what he said? It's ruining the whole place for everyone.


Hmmmm. I rather think he could be right, Miss Smith...


It used to be a great place out there with the golf, he lamented, but now the missing girl is all everyone talks about. Unbelievable. But, sadly, that mindset is out there. And not just among people like him. I would bet the cops and the authorities will be glad to see the back of the McCanns.


Of course both the Portuguese police and the authorities there will be glad to see them leave the country, you dozy bint.

Ask not what Portugal have ever done for them (which is in fact, rather a lot), but what the fuck have these two whining feckless fools done for Portugal? Exactly nothing. Notwithstanding that, Miss Smith, there is a growing belief that the McCanns will not be leaving Portugal any time soon, anyway. Watch this space.


In fact they can't even wait until the heartbroken couple find the strength to go home without their precious little girl.


Jesus. They have found the strength between them to go to the USA, Morocco, Holland, Italy....


They know their insidious little leaked stories to the press will drive those poor parents out.


That word "little" again. And insidious? Christ, Smith, as a reporter (I believe you are a reporter, though there is a growing amount of evidence to suggest otherwise?) -
what makes a leak insidious? One man's insidious leak is another man's freedom of information. (Though I will acknowledge that you are not a man. Allegedly).



The article totters on for several more chapters in the same vacuous, bleeding-heart fashion. I would urge no one to read it in full, at all, ever.


**Yes, Miss Smith is not only an award winning reporter, but also an acclaimed novelist. I read it on the internet, so it must be true...her latest novel "The Homecoming" is available new here, priced at one penny.

Which is, frankly, still worth more than the piss-poor propoganda you provide in your role as a "reporter", Smith.

Team McCann And Their Tenuous Relationship With The Truth

Mike Hitchen exposes the cornerstone of Gerry and Kate McCann's get out of jail free card Campaign, "Madeleine's Fund: Leaving No Stone Unturned" for the lie that it is.


"A high profile, multi-media, global campaign that is based on lies and deceit. The campaign has made little or no attempt to find Madeleine. Donations from struggling parents, businesses and even emotionally blackmailed children, have been used for expenses never before associated with a search for a missing child".


Go ahead and read it all here - though suspicions remain that bigger lies are yet to be exposed....

Complete Bollocks - Exclusive To All British Newspapers.

Excerpts from the Daily Mail online edition, 12th August 2007.

McCanns' anger at 'Madeleine is dead' police claims

Parents face more lurid claims on 100th day since she vanished

"Relations between Portuguese police and the parents of Madeleine McCann worsened today after a senior officer suggested the missing four-year-old was dead.


A family friend said it was 'extraordinary' police had 'not had the decency' to contact the couple before making the claims".


Perhaps this "family friend" - knowing a thing or two about decency, and who, presumably has direct channels to Sir Gerry and Lady Kate - might care to impart their wisdom toward the Teflon Two? Point out to them maybe, that leaving very young children unattended to go out on the piss does not fall within the realms of said decency?

And why on earth should anyone find it "extraordinary" that Chief Inspector Sousa either consult or seek consent from these two grotesques before briefing the press?

Any person with an IQ over and above that of a Daily Mail reporter will realise that the McCanns are suspects or arguidos right now, in everything but name. I have confidence that Mr Sousa, unlike these two excuses for medical professionals, truly will leave no stone unturned, and that his scrutiny of both the McCanns and their dodgy friends will shed light on the true circumstances which led to Madeleine's demise abduction.


"Moments after Kate and Gerry attended a service to pray for her, Chief Inspector Sousa, one of the detectives leading the investigation, said new evidence had heightened the possibility she was killed.

He failed to say what the new evidence was, but added that neither parent was being considered a suspect, despite wild stories in the Portuguese media. And nor were any of the friends with them at the time".


What do you mean by failed you fucktard? Don't you just love to associate the Portuguese police with words like fail? In no way did he fail, you disingenious simpleton; as you are well aware, certain aspects of the case are sub-judice in the context of Portuguese law.

Not content with slurring the Portuguese Police, you then aim at the Portuguese media. Suggestions that their media are indulging in wild stories?

Would that be wild stories like these? Or this? Maybe even this?


"Mr Sousa said: "In the past few days some clues have been found that could point to the possibility of the death of the little child, but at the moment we are waiting for the lab results and all lines of inquiry are open. But this line we are checking with a little more intensity.

Portuguese law does not allow us to put everything in the case on the table to the public or even the persons involved in the case.

At this moment in time, as we have said, the McCanns are not suspects in the case".


At this moment....the McCanns are not suspects....


At this moment, Gerry. At this moment, Kate....


I think I shall leave it there. The full article can be read here.

Endgame McCann?

The Postman, who has an enviable record of being bang on the money, seems to think so....

Kate McCann On Woman's Hour

Click on the ♫ icon and then select the Woman's Hour link to listen....

Team McCann - The Silence Of The Wolves, And The McCannonisation Of The Teflon Two

The grieving parents of Madeleine McCann

It is not my intention to tread what is already a well travelled path in detailing the failings, (whether real, or perceived) of Gerry and Kate McCann, and the circumstances leading up to the occasion of their daughter's disappearance.

Suffice to state that, in spite of the best efforts of both the Teflon Two, and their team of keyboard chimps, every man-jack and woman-jill with whom I have discussed this matter - regardless of their political leaning, religious persuasion, creed or social status - have all been in total agreement.

And that is, that the McCanns were not at worst naive; at best, they were criminally negligent, and at worst, one or both of them, it is widely rumoured, played an active role in the child's disappearance or demise.

No, there are already Forums, Blogs and Articles "out there" and "online" pouring scorn on this pair of self-serving, manipulative, irresponsible, deluded, feckless, and fundamentally dishonest fools.

So, rather than use this post as an opportunity to "bash the McCanns", I will instead, focus on the failings of the sheep in wolves' clothing - the Great British Press.

Despite all of the obvious and well documented
lies and inconsistencies spouted by Saint Gerry and Lady Kate, for some unaccountable reason, the normally wolverine British presspack - together with the loathsome barons who hire and fire them - present these greedy, grasping pariahs not only as model parents but are touting them to become Pan-European or maybe - Global - Ambassadors specialising in child welfare?

It is not as if any Previously Reported Cases of Child Abandonment have resulted in Plaudits for the Parents; the Great British Public know they are being jerked off by the MSM, the MSM know we know it, and we know they know we know it, yet this charade, this "Pact of Silence" on the part of British TV and newspapers persists.

So much for the rump of the MSM.

The flanks - taking as an example the Leicester Mercury, (which was The Teflon Two's local rag back in the days when they were a couple of unremarkable "medical professionals" in suburban nowhere) - are no better.

The political non-entity, that is Phil Dilks - ex-journalist, and now Labour Shadow Portfolio Holder for Education, and member of Lincolnshire Police Authority has Previous Form himself In The Child Abandonment Stakes - and he finds it reasonable that the (in his own words) "highly respected" Leicester Mercury see fit to block any comment whatsoever in its reporting on the McCanns.

Nick Carter, editor of the Beano Leicester Mercury writes:

"We encourage feedback to our website, but we have to monitor what is said to make sure people are not posting comments that might be libelous, breach the law in any way or cause gratuitous offence."

"A tiny minority of people seem to want to say nasty, spiteful and defamatory things about the McCann family."

"They are bombarding our site, and we had no choice but to block comment entirely on reports about the family."

So, Mr Carter is now allowing a "tiny minority" to dictate editorial policy?

If the Mercury truly is subject to a "bombardment" of "nasty, spiteful or defamatory" postings from this "tiny minority", why the sledgehammer to crack a nut approach, when selective blocking of the source IP's would remedy any issues?

Truth is, ever since this charade began, The Mercury have been entirely selective in terms of those posts which pass the gatekeeper and those that do not. Only the most lachrymose, simpering, self-absorbed and sympathetic of posts have ever been published, while for weeks, it has been systematically declining to print, or exhibit, any comment that is even mildly critical, or questioning the actions or integrity of the Teflon Two.

With the advent of its new! improved! 2007! exercise in book-burning, the Mercury commands zero respect, and earns less still.

Far from being "highly respected", Mr Dilks, The Mercury is a mere dead-tree provincial fish-wrapper; a cankerous pile on the anus that is the Daily Mail and General Trust Group.

Why does no arm of the British MSM have the courage, resource or resolve to pose the tough questions to these ex-doctors?

Answers on a postcard please, to:

Phil Dilks Esq
c/o Nick Carter
Leicester Mercury
Daily Mail & General Trust PLC
Freemasons Arms
Viscount Way
Bohemian Grove
Rothermere