What A Load Of Bollocks

By way of what is quite possibly the single most mind-numbingly tedious document it has ever been my displeasure to peruse, some London based Market Research Organization reports that public confidence in our Government's ability to successfully execute the Olympic ideal in 2012 is somewhat less than total....

The BBC distil and report on elements of the document under the banner headline

Public 'fearing Olympics failure'.

"Nearly nine out of 10 Britons do not think the government is capable of managing the 2012 Olympics"

Only 9 out of 10? And does it really take 48 pages of meaningless figures and faff to suggest that the 2012 Games are destined to be nothing but an utter fucking shambles? (How much did Opinium charge for this horse-shit? And - more pertinently - who paid for it?)

Mark Hodson, head of research at Opinium, is quoted by the BBC as saying:

"Nearly a third of Brits still think that the Games will not provide any long-term benefits to the UK".

Hodson's statement implies that some two-thirds or more of Briton's do believe that there will be some long term benefit. Just who the fuck are these people?

Predictably, a Government 'Droid Department for Culture, Media and Sport spokesman is also quoted in the BBC report, saying:

"We have in place the experience and expertise... to deliver a fantastic Games and long term legacy that will benefit millions of people for decades to come."

Correction: this government have the experience and expertise to lie and cheat, line their own pockets, bully the populace and.... that is about it. And as far as that legacy and those benefits as espoused by the 'Droid go, I rather suspect that the Government has already started as it means to go on...

Bastards, one and all.

Cunt Of The Month

While this page would normally at this time feature a "Cunt Of The Week" post, the breathtaking arrogance and stupidity of one very special man has forced a rethink here at Gooseburger Towers, and some new accolade is required.

Yes, Tony Parsons, alleged journalist and failed novelist has outcunted all of the competition to such a dizzying degree, that there is no realistic chance of him being overhauled any time soon, hence his being crowned EQG's Cunt Of The Month.

In fewer than three-hundred words, Parsons exhibits the most appalling ignorance and xenephobia toward Britain's oldest allies: he attacks the integrity and professionalism of the Portuguese Ambassador, the Portuguese Police and the Portuguese Media, and he even takes to task the Portuguese Public, referring to them as "leering bumpkins".

His finishing touch is to advise the Portuguese Ambassador to Britain, Senor Antonio Santana Carlos thus:

"if you can't say something constructive.... then you just keep your stupid, sardine-munching mouth shut."

Three Four things immediately occur:

1) Shut up, Parsons, you utter cunt.
2) You got something against fish, Parsons? Might explain why your ex-wife prefers women you putrid little sausage-jockey.
3) The Press Complaints Commission will be interested in Parson's views on the Portuguese; he has blatantly contravened sections 12(i) and (ii) of the PCC's Code of Practise; please feel free to vent your feelings about this article and register a formal complaint.
4) I am so ultra-pissed at this cunt, I can feel a whole new blog coming on....

EQG's "Exasperatingly Difficult To Solve Odd One Out Quiz"™

Updated!

In a change of format, this Friday's "Cunt of the Week" competition has been replaced by Elmer Quigley Gooseburger's "Exasperatingly Difficult To Solve, Odd One Out Quiz"™.

All you have to do to win is to correctly determine from the list of suspects adversaries shown, who you believe is the odd one out, and why!

The options are:

Dr Crippen (H H); Mr Christ (Jesus H); Mr Branson (R); Dr Dolittle (J); Felinus Pinkus; Dr Shipman (H); Dr McCann (G); Mr "What's up Doc?" Bunny (B); Dr Bellamy (D); Dr McCann (K); Mr Bushell (G); Dr Mengele (J); Dr Spock (B) and Mr Hitler (A).

Answers on a postcard to:


Clarence Mitchell
Freemasons Arms
Bohemian Grove
Rothermere


Alternatively, you can dial 0906 GOOSEBURGER* where you can leave your answer following a brief 20 minute recording detailing the rules.

Finally, you can post your answers in the comments box below.


The first correct winner drawn from all entries will win a second-hand Renault Megane**, complete with bugging devices, and featuring its very own novelty nodding Cadaver Dog!

Good luck! The correct answer, and the name of the winner will be posted Saturday 6th October.

* Calls charged at £94.00 per minute, no refunds.
** Of course, it might be a jeep.Or a Micra...whatever.



Update: The answer to Elmer Quigley Gooseburger's "Exasperatingly Difficult To Solve, Odd One Out Quiz"™ is published below.

You sure are going to kick yourselves!


The answer is: Dr McCann (G) - all of the others have a moustache. Sorry, no prizes awarded this time...

Where Irony Meets Morony

And now to Wales, where the BBC report that a gang of twelve disgruntled schoolboys have been excluded for setting a school blazer on fire.

Excuse me, but exclusion do I hear? Clearly a little effective correction is in order.

Instead of being excluded, this dirty-dozen should not only be made to write "I must not set school blazers on fire" a thousand times each, they should also have bunsen burners - set on a red flame - applied to their testicles.

Then they should be jumped upon by the entire teaching staff.

Finally, they should be forced to attend a series of extended lectures on rights and civil liberties by that crushing bore, David Duff.

That would sort them out.

Little bastards.

Leicester Mercury And The Suppression Of Free Speech

Peering into The Mirror this afternoon (as one does) and I see a number of comments alleging that The Whining Midget™ and Skeletor's™ local rag, the Leicester Mercury are up to their old tricks of burning the books, 21st Century style; deleting any comment they deem "negative" to the McCanns.

So of course I thought I would give it a whirl, just to see what gives: (click on image to expand and note the time 15:14)

















I then went to boil an egg - runny side up - but sneaked back and refreshed the web page, oh, no more than two minutes later, and saw this:


















Goose no more!

Further proof, if any were needed, that The Mercury remains a mere dead-tree provincial fish-wrapper; a cankerous pile on the anus that is the Daily Mail and General Trust Group, and with an editorial policy which would have made Goebbels proud.

Enough to make me call the editor of the Mercury, Nick Carter, a c**t, except I have made a promise of no more swearing on the blog....

Run, Rabbits, Run...

With apologies to Peter, Paul and Mary...

There's so many times we've let you down
So many times we've played around
We tell you now, they never meant a thing
We're leaving, on a jet plane
Fuck you, we won't be back again...

Well What Do You Know?

Now there's a fucking surprise.

The total cnuts even tried to sneak this one out under the radar of the ongoing McCann developments.

Bastards.

Justine McGuinness - Family Spokesperson Extraordinaire

Justine McGuinness - naive?

Christ on a bike, she would do Chemical Ali proud.

While media outlets as diverse as Sky News the BBC and even The Leicester Mercury begin to stir from their collective amnesia / slumber, and actually smell the coffee, I just caught what appears to be a live news feed on BBC News 24 of Comical Ali dear Justine continuing to spout the official McCann line:

"They (the PJ) believe that they have evidence that Kate was somehow involved in the death of her daughter.... these suggestions are shocking.... ludicrous ....they made a series of ridiculous allegations....

Kate is a loving and caring mother.... she dotes on all of her children.... there is a fear that she may be arrested for a crime that she certainly did not commit....

Let's remember that they (the McCanns) are victims.... Kate wants to appeal to the British public to continue looking for Madeleine...."


While the outpourings of anger, disbelief and indignation expressed by long-standing friends and family members are, by varying degrees, understandable, excusable and deserving of public sympathy - McGuinness' own continued, misguided, and paid-for loyalty, is not.

Her perspective on the McCanns is based, presumably, on nothing more than her short acquaintance with them as their Spokesperson (plus pieces of silver).


Question occurs: just how many pieces of silver must she be getting for this?


Update: Judas McGuinness can now be seen perpetuating a similar web of deceit on Sky News.

A Party Political Blogcast

A Party Political Blogcast on behalf of the Labour Party:

"Our party has been in power now for ten years - something Labour has never come close to achieving before.

And though it’s been tough at times and there are still big challenges to overcome, we can be hugely proud of the progress we have delivered together for the country.

It is easy to forget what Britain was like in 1997 - the NHS on its knees, schools crumbling, crime doubled and millions of families still scarred by unemployment over three million and interest rates still recovering from hitting 15 per cent on Black Wednesday.

And while we know that everything is not perfect now, Britain is, without doubt, a better, more prosperous and fairer place.


Well, that's me convinced...

Boom And Bust And How The Banks Fuck Us Over

It is Monday morning, and I therefore make no apologies whatsoever for a downbeat posting.

This brief post concerns the (entirely avoidable) and looming recession depression, and how it has been engineered by the banking elite.

It's not very complicated, and nor is it, in all honesty, difficult to understand.

1. Banks lend money that the banks do not own, to borrowers.
2. Heck, the banks lend out money that doesn't even fucking exist to borrowers.
3. They lend this non-existent money at low interest rates.
4. As more money is fed into the system, its value falls.
5. To counter the fall in the value of money, the price of both goods and services rise.
6. In order to afford the increased cost of living, people are forced to borrow more.
7. When the bankers see fit, they will hike up interest rates on all that borrowed "money".
8. The bankers will also then reduce the amount of money in circulation, by reducing the amount that they lend.
9. The prices of both goods and services will then fall.
10. The size of the outstanding loans on all that "funny money" does not fall, however.
11. Unable to service their loans and credit card bills, people are forced to turn over their property and assets to the banks.
12. The bankers will pull this same scam every 10 - 15 years.

It matters not one whit whether you bank with HSBC, Lloyds, Coutts or any bank overseas, because ultimately, all of these banks are owned by the same bunch of shifty, thieving demonic bastards.


Sadly, there is fuck all we can do about it.....

© Copyright probably infringed, with thanks to Stef Zucconi